The last day of 2012

In less than 8 hours, I got to say bye bye to 2012 ..

a year full of excitement and joy .. forget about the sadness .. all I want to write here is happiness .. 

A year that had taught me more .. to be a better me .. 

before today ends .. 

I wanted to share everything that happened during the year for one last time . 

January

so beginning of the year was hectic .. paint house all by myself and sister .. the living room .. dining room .. the kitchen and the entrance .. rush for chinese new year .. after living in this house .. for the first time I paint the house .. didn't paint the rooms due to limited time till  CNY .. 

still on holiday and not back to college yet ..
celebrated Kenix and Wendy's birthday

Reunion dinner with family

Yee sang on CNY

Wendy's birthday celebration .. is also the first day of CNY 

February

its the beginning of the last semester in college and as student .... which means thesis is waiting for me that time .. and assignment too .. of course the last semester will be more stressful than those previous because this will be that last chance to do whatever which was not done properly before .. 

of course .. its Valentine's Day .. I celebrated it with close friends .. sweet and simple .. 

this month I achieved 100 posts in blog and 100 pictures in instagram ..

repost of this pic from my 100th post on this blog and 100th pic on instagram..

March

a month full of emotional ups and downs ... were so stress and meet Mr.Y at the staircase where we first met ... stress level was super ... still lazy in doing thesis and assignment ... I wonder how did I survive .. haha

Assignment !! Thesis !! help !!

April
this is month where I found new love .. was on Kwek's birthday celebration at the beer factory .. met someone new that I thought I could write a new story of life .. but story continues in the coming months ..
start dieting and exercising but somehow I think I failed .. haha
Celebrated Kwek and Soo Yee's birthday ..

Kwek's birthday celebration at one world hotel

May
when things were fine .. I start to get panic and doubt a lot things .. first was myself .. second was him ..
when there is doubt .. I start to break down and think out of my mind ..
when third party appear .. I start to imagine the bad and eventually worst ..
when there were so many doubtfulness and unsatisfactory ... things start to change ..
submission of thesis was crazy .. almost didn't manage to hand in due to delay in printing .. but when finally pass it up .. It was a relief .. but this means that exams is around the corner ..
class ended .. so sad to say goodbye to classmates ..
Syn Syn's birthday

June
no more classes and the end of exams .. its time for a small trip .. went to port dickson with buddies and had some great time there ..
this is also the months where the story with Mr.T almost ends .. things were changing from sweet to almost tasteless ...
I'm officially on holidays ..
Celebrated the most precious person birthday's .. my mom

PD trip 

July
the HAPPIEST moment of life lies on this month .. where results from 3 years of hard work in degree finally pays off .. FIRST CLASS HONOURS .. the proudest achievement of my life .. nothing can explain how happy I am when I see my results .. I cried and jumped like an idiot ..
Mr. T's birthday month .. Its my pleasure to celebrate it with him ..
this month is the month where I chose to make it clear and leave Mr.T ..

 my achievement .. 

August
still on holiday ..
the FUNNEST month .. I went to TAIWAN with my lovely ji muis .. 9 days in Taiwan was splendid ... one experience that I will never forget .. its so fun ..

Food in Taiwan is awesome

things bought by 5 girls .. very little 

September
its finally a wake up slap on my face ..
a month where I gave up on hoping to be with someone ...

Healing up ..

October
life has been simple ..
cook almost everyday ..
trying to let go some unwanted feelings ..
but through all this I learn .. I learn to stand up and smile again ..
month that I use to heal up ..

nothing last forever .. so appreciate when you have it .. 

November
My Month !!!!
start with the 3rd of November .. is my convocation day !!! a day where my hard work being recognized ..
the moment I stepped up the stage to receive my scroll .. I feel like crying .. the tears of joy and being proud
continue with 14th of November .. birthday if yours truly =) me .. celebrate with family at Suki-ya .. awesome .. then pre-birthday celebration with friends at Zouk and sing kkkkk on the actual day ...
fianlly 29th of November .. Birthday of my forever love .. NIC NIC !!!
a month full of celebration and joy ..

December
for the first time .. my ji mui and I attended friend's wedding .. so happy for the new lovers ..
I registered with Sunway College for ACCA course .. the last 5 professional papers .. a little stressed up thinking about the future .. but I'm sure that I can do it !!
Christmas celebration with lovely ji mui at The Social .. dine and wine ..
yup and today .. the last day of the year ..
had cooked a fantastic meal with family and later at night with friends ..
celebrated Britney's birthday

Christmas Celebration

me and Syn at Genting

Short trip with loves

12 months with joy and happiness .. despite of sadness and tears .. I had a great year ..
all I learned were to be strong and moved on .. no point holding to old memories because they were meant to be kept in the heart ..
after today ..
its a new beginning .. new hope .. new goals .. new experience .. new resolutions
New me

I'm sure next year will be great ..

To anyone that read this post ..
HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and your family =D
Great year ahead !!
Lets all hope for the very best for you and me !
Smile ..


Love,
Lornalsq


ps: come photos credited to Wendy ..

Before it ends

another two days to the beginning of a new year ..
soon we all have to say goodbye to 2012 and welcome 2013 ..
hope for a better life ahead ..

I got a few things to do before 2012 ends ..
let go whatever I should and move forward .. I can't stay in memories forever ..
and I should be looking forward to new adventures ..
I'll do whatever I should that come along the way ..
grab every opportunities and chances and listen to everything everyone says ..
I choose my life .. no matter what happen ..

so I got to get my 2012 success report and 2013 resolutions ready ..
New year .. New Life .. New ME !!!

What to do ?

Have you ever wonder what the hell is going on with your life as everything messed up and nothing went smoothly ? just one mistake that you made when you're naive and you're getting countless give backs now .. karma ? what goes around comes back around I guess .. one mistake that changes the whole damn thing ..

I have never been in this confusing situation. It feels like I've been held back by old memories and being pull by new memories . its like being pull in two different directions. somehow some part of my heart belong to someone from the past and some part were being occupied by someone that I had let go .. I can't really explain how I feel because its complicated .. all this while .. Mr. Y has his place in my heart .. no doubt he still has it .. but Mr. T has a place in there too .. its like .. argghhhh .. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here ... to make it easy is I wanted to let go both feeling and I don't want to live in anyone shadows .. but  the more I wanted to let go the more it pulls me ...

memories with Mr. Y kills .. he is someone who I always wanted to be with .. things that we have been through was remarkable ... nothing can replace it .. but is waiting for him to turn around is what I should do ? is it the right thing to do ?

journey with Mr. T was short .. but somehow there were memories that stayed .. somehow .. letting go of it is easier comparing to the previous one ... I'm doing fine all this while ... I'm not sad neither angry of him anymore but when I'm almost there .. almost reach the point of letting go completely .. karma hits again .. maybe how much that I had hurt Mr. Y .. I got to go through the pain that I gave Mr. Y myself and to get tortured double the pain ..

Dear God, what are you trying to tell me ?

the moment where I'm able to let go of Mr.T ... You played a fool of me by letting us meet unexpectedly .. the percentage or the probability of meeting him on Christmas day at the most unbelievable place ... what are you trying to tell me ? to show that we have the fate to meet and to be together but all I got to do is fight for this love ?????? or .. to show that he is with someone else and he is not the one and I should let go completely ???? what are You trying to prove ? I'm tired of guessing because I'm clueless ... should I stay wit old memories .. to fight for new ones ? or to give up everything and wait ? what do You want me to do ?

till now .. all I have is tears rolling down my cheeks ..
I can't write anymore ..

Is this the end ?

If its the end of everything .. What is the last thing you wish you could do ?

there are so many rumors that doomsday is coming and it falls on 21.12.12 ..
should I be worry by now ?? because its 11.00 pm 20.12.12 while I'm still blogging peacefully ..
haha .. doomsday might come one day but not today ... pretty sure about it ..
but who cares ... we're gonna live as long as we could .. as happy as we can .. as cheerful as life could be .. as painful as anything can be .. because you only life once YOLO !!!
so this thought came in my mind this evening while I was driving ..
if today is the day .. I have a few questions for myself ..

1) what is the last thing I wish to do ?
2) any regrets ?
3) who do I wanna be with till the last breathe of mine ?
4) anything to confess ?
5) any last words ?

If today is the last day of my life ..
the first thing to do is to tell my family and friends how much I love them .. how much I appreciate to have them in life .. I guess this is what everyone will do .. but its something should be done because after that you won't have the chances anymore ..
The last day is to hug every family of mine tight ..
if we are allowed to choose the next family in my next life in the new world..
I wish I will be with the same person as my dad my mom and my siblings ..

what else ?

when I first thought of writing this post ..
I start to think of things that I had regretted ... after a few minutes of wondering ..
there isn't much thing that I had regretted on ..
even though there are lots of pain in love life .. but yeah .. I didn't regret in loving them and having them as part of my life .. because I believe there isn't right neither wrong in love ..
Regret letting myself being lazy for six month since the last exam ? nope .. this is the best six months of holidays that I can get in my life ...
Regret of being who I am now ? being too strong ?? Nope .. I'm proud of who I am and no one can be proud of me as much as myself =D
Not much to regret .. and there isn't a reason for you to be regret of anything in life because everything that happen teaches you a lesson that no one else could teach you ..

then ...

Of course be with family lo .. because don't have someone special ma ..
this is kinda one stupid question ..

next ..

confession ?
hmm .. not much too ..
all was .. after so many years .. 3 years I guess .. I still have someone in heart .. even though in between I tried to fall for someone else .. when I thought I could .. the fate tells me I couldn't .. I'm still there .. all this while its still there and the fact is I'm not letting it go ...feelings were still there ..
is like I've been walking in circle ..  never have a starting point neither an ending point ..
somehow ... I miss those time being with Mr. Y ... first confession "Mr. Y , I still miss you." =)

while I thought I could start something new with Mr. T .. fate tell me no .. not him ... because he end up with someone else  .. even though everyone thought this is the start of a new relationship for me but its not .. I'm angry of Mr. T because he made me realize that my heart has no space for a new someone yet .. of course the complete story was too long to write but overall there were too many pressure and attention on us so it was to complicated to make it happen . .. I placed all the blame on him .. every one see him as the bad one ..
but second confession .. I'm not angry of Mr. T anymore because love couldn't blossom between us due to various of reason ..

in between this 4 years .. from foundation till now after completing degree .. there is always a someone in my life that never give up on me .. but feeling was unable to grow for him .. he is always a big brother or a good friend of mine .. he is been there in every ups and downs .. but wrong timing I guess ..
third confession .. Sorry Mr. K ... You have been the good friend of mine ... and I couldn't try with you because I cant afford to lose a brother ..

finally !!!!!!

last words ???
not much
I love you guys so so much ..
if we survive .. we will appreciate the chances we have and move on to be a better person !
so pray hard ..
and
BYE BYE if we didn't

Love ,
Lornalsq
=) <3

When loneliness strikes ..

out of a sudden .. i'm overwhelm by this lonely feelings of mine ..
maybe .. due to the fact that .. I might be studying alone at sunway next year ..
new environment .. new people .. its a new beginning that I'm not familiar with ..
somehow .. I can feel the loneliness that lies within the inner of my heart ..
its always scary to imagine what life could be without all my close friends ..
maybe all these years in college .. I'm used to being around with my close friends ..
but to grow and develop is to get out of the comfort zone ..
I guess this is all I should do .. ..

Numbers

turning 22 in less than 28 hours ...
not excited about it anymore ... maybe is its just a number to me now ...
what matters are what I've been through .. =)

6 months of holiday ..
=)
I'm on holiday .. the longest holiday that I gave myself ..
I guess all I need is to get some rest and be fresh again ..
there are too much for me to think ...
all that I need to let go and let it be ..

another 42 days to Christmas ...
I have this little wish every year ..
A simple white Christmas with someone special ...
Not happening this year .. AGAIN ..
used to it ... maybe next year *telling myself that its ok*

another 48 days till New Year ..
time for success report again ..
what had I accomplished this year ???
Lets see ...

Do Not Hurt Them

today wake up feeling a little down ..
seeing my sister being sad makes me sad too ..
even though I say I hate my siblings ... I don't really mean it ..
they are all my love .. I grow up taking care of them ...
seeing them cry or suffer are more painful than everything that I gone through ..
never hurt them .. whoever you are .. do not hurt them .. because I'll never forgive you ..

Betrayal ..

if what goes around comes back around ...
then mistakes that I made in relationships should had all came back to me ...
if all mistakes had came back to me then I should have finished suffering ...
but why ?? its still painful to think about betrayal everyday ..
been betrayed three times .. how many more along the way ??

I'm sorry that I made mistakes ...
I ignored someone that has been supporting me all the while ..
I don't mean to hurt anyone ..

please forgive me and let me be free from all this betrayal ..
i cant stand it anymore ..

hope for the best

Hi October !!!
rarely post on the first day of the month ..
time flies extremely fast ... in a blink of eyes .. its almost the end of the year ...
another 3 months we will step into 2013 ...
this 9 months .. a lot ups and downs ...
good news of course is academic results ... healthiness of my eyes ... let go of feelings that should have been forgotten two years ago ... and Taiwan trip ... my very first trip ..
bad news .. still heart broken for the third time ... well this time I told myself .. don't worry because this is the third time .. you should be used to it ..
used to people asking me when is my turn .. when will I bring someone home ..
all I got to say is not my luck .. not my turn ... haven't meet the right one ...
but I do prefer people not asking it ... because they reminded me how painful my heart is ...
reminded me things that I thought I had forgotten ...

hope things will be better and I can end this year with something beautiful ...

The end of another chapter ^.^

one lesson that I've learnt this time is never fall for someone that I understand less ...
I think I had never learn it till now .. haha 
but I had never regret about it because meeting him makes my story of life interesting ..
when I thought I can never fall in love again , he is the one who brought hope to me ..
when I thought I never have the confident to be loved again , he is the one who gave me the confident ..

He seems perfect .. I thought this time was meeting Mr. Right ...
who knows at the end it was Mr. Wrong again ..
but is okay because of him I understand myself more ... and I'm pretty sure him is not what I need ..
of course even thought he is not what I need but it still hurts .. badly I guess ...
the pain was once again unbearable ... it breaks the fragile heart that it once healed ..

when we meet ... we meet at wrong place .. wrong moment ... wrong timing ..
how much I wish we had never meet ... but somehow I'm glad we did .. 
because of him I had let go of the burden that I carried for two years .. 
that is why I always say never want to know any guys from drinking place, club, pub, or whatever it call a place that serve alcoholic drink ... because when you drink you tends to gets out of your mind ..
this apply not only to guys but girls too .. we tends to be a bit playful and crazy after drink ..
because of it we did something stupid and crazy ..
therefore, guys that you get to know during drinking session is a big NO NO !!!
even though not all story have the same ending ... but I'm always the unlucky ones ..

writing blog doesn't mean I'm complaining .. all I want to do now is to write down happiness that I have with him .. because the past cannot be erased , edited nor forgotten .. I'm accepting at it is and I choose to cherish the happiness that I got from him .. memories that I'll keep for the rest of my life .. 

he is the second guy that are willing to spend a lot on calling me .. we can spend a few hours talking on phone .. by only listening to you breathe is more than enough .. the gentleness of his voice make me feel safe and makes me smile .. *even by recalling it now make me smile like a silly girl* .. he has a lot of life theory that he always wanted to share with me .. a lot jokes that he cracked just to make me laugh .. he used to say he like to hear me saying 还好 .. he said I got my own slang .. things with him is so comfortable that I don't need to pretend .. everything that he told me .. will always be in my mind .. one thing that I didn't was not stopping myself from falling in love with him .. he did remind me about it .. don't fall for him too much because we don't really know each other .. but the feeling was uncontrollable and real .. 

when we meet ... we meet during my assignment, FYP and final exams period .. stress level was overload .. he was there for me .. every time I feel like giving up .. he is the one who gave me the helping hand and pull me up again .. I'm so touched that he stay up all night to study with me ... waited for hours even though he is tired after work .. he send me lot of supportive message that I cried after reading it .. because I'm touched to have someone to cheer me up .. everything seems so perfect and simple that time .. he called every night before the exam day ... try to make me smile and laugh just to release stress but he doesn't allow me to laugh too much because according to his theory I will forget what I read and studied ... 

He is one guy that I meet that we will actually stop his game to reply me .. I remember he said he is one man that worth to get married with .. Maybe but I'm sure your side is not where I belong .. From darling to girl .. all his sweet calling vanished slowly .. I told him the way he called me girl resemble dad calling his daughter ... how much I wish its still here ... we used to share pictures with each other ... his cute lovely drawings ... daily life pictures  ... we do share a lot songs too .. love songs .. one more thing .. whenever we end our call .. he used to say good night bye bye very fast .. i complained and he change to a slower version .. very cute .. he used to say he will wait for me downstairs at the glass door .. he sent me home once .. and then every night he said after going to bed .. please meet me there .. its so sweet .. 

by this post .. It's impossible to write down everything that I love about him .. because words couldn't describe everything between us .. every happy moment that I have with him will always be in my heart .. this feelings couldn't fade away in a sudden but time will slowly turn it to nothing .. the reason why I did not regret this time is I had already given my very best and I appreciate everything he gave ...


the first 3 months ... things seems fine .. 
till he was afraid that people around me were too caring about us ... he got terrified from being blamed for not giving me the best .. but I had never request the best from him .. 
till he said he felt the pressure I gave him by waiting for him everyday .. especially when he is out for badminton and gym or whatsoever that he did till late night with his friends .. he doesn't want me to wait for him to get home .. 
till he said I'm his good friend and he doesn't want to take anything further .. 
till he said "Lorna, I think you deserve someone better" ... 
till he is actually with some other girl ... 

Now I'm sitting here in front of this laptop .. writing out everything is because its time to end this chapter of life .. its over and no point to hold on tight to it ..
because he will never be mine .. we weren't meant to be together .. 
some friends told me .. all the reason he gave me was something he made up .. told me his love and feelings were fake and its all lies that he made up .. everything he gave me was a sweet dream .. but so what ?? its over now .. if its a sweet dream then just let it be .. if its a lie then keep it as a lie .. I don't want to know the truth ... why not just let it be in the best condition .. 

after all this .. I wrote in the previous post that I was a nightmare meeting him .. but I'm ok now .. 
before this I told his friend to tell him not to find me or text me .. because at that moment I hated him to the max .. but now .. I hoped we could be friends again .. maybe not now but in the future .. 
because I cherish every friendship .. 
I understand that we have the fate to meet but not the fate to be together .. 

haha .. 
I'm all out of words now .. 

anyway ..
if .. who knows .. he get to read this post .. 
this is what I wanted you to know .. 

Thank You Richie , because of you ... I have another part of interesting story of life .. because of you .. I know what I need ..and because of you ... I smiled and being able to let go of you and all this ... I wish the best of everything for you .. be happy ya .. don't be afraid of life .. 只要你开心就好 ... 


Love,
Lornalsq 


------------------------------------------------ the end -------------------------------------------------

Nightmare ..

I guess after all meeting you in my life is my biggest nightmare... 

Nothing goes well for me for this past few months .. except I had a great trip to Taiwan .. 

besides the trip .. nothing makes me happy since that day .. 

what make it worst ?? is meeting you that day .. same thing happen ... same situation 2 years ago .. 

I had enough .. 

Changes

while a lot of people busy searching for the perfect someone they tends to forget who they are ..
sometimes when we are to engrossed with what other people want us to be, we will eventually forget who we used to be .. this doesn't mean changes are not good .. they are good if the changes made is for yourself not upon the request of others .. so why changes yourself so that other can except you ??


Lornalsq

Cycle ....

most of the people gone through a few times of failure in relationships in order to find the perfect one ... but whenever you meet someone new .. you will say he/she is someone different and it will work this time ... after some time you realize he/she is not the one .. you will say he'she is just the same with those you had met last time .. and you hurt yourself and you get fed up with it . you decide to be alone .. but after awhile .. you feel lonely and you wanted someone and you meet someone and the cycle go round and round till you meet the REAL one .. but when will you meet the RIGHT one ?? patience ... is all you need ... 

I got fed up with this cycle anyway .. 

because of you I am afraid ... 

Lornalsq 

Hope

In life, there are always a lot of hopes and wishes that us as human wanted to achieve and desire for dreams come true. But often, in the process or the path of achieving these hopes are always difficult and painful . Hopes come with a price which is pain . but maybe due to existence of these pains , we human bare with it and became stronger . and these pains sometimes became the reason why we hold on to that hope for such a long time. and somehow , these pains became another source of energy for us to continue too strive for success . every hope happens only if one self willing to sacrifice not only time but a lot of things that needed to be considered , Love ??? Relationships ?? Money ?? Friends ?? Emotions ?? Opportunities ?? One great example is people who strive for career ... what did they sacrifice to achieve what they are in work now ?? some are bad some are not .. it depends .. another example, love and relationship ?? what a person sacrifice to be with someone they love ??

sometimes , no matter how difficult or painful to hold on to that hope . we will still do it because we know because of that hope we got the pain . but I believe these pains are bearable and worth it because when you get your dreams come true .. the happiness that come with it is the most valuable thing you can get in life . so bare with the pain and happily ever after awaits you. be patience because there isn't a rainbow without a little rain . Love . Lornalsq . 

My good news and bad news

after all .. i'm back to nothing again .. \

I got good news and bad news ..
good news . I got First Class Degree !!!!!
haha .. something that I'm proud of myself ..
all the hard work pays off  ... this is the biggest achievement in life ..
I'm happy for myself ..

here come bad news ..
I'm officially heart broken again ..
yup .. I gave up on him ... same as him ..
he felt that he is not the one I want .. and I deserve better ..
maybe he is right .. I deserve someone better than a jerk that is afraid of taking up responsibilities ..
or .. the other part of the truth is .. he think he need someone better than me ..
of course who don't dream to have a barbie doll girlfriend .. I wish you luck if barbie doll is what you want ..
whatever it is .. is not my problem anymore because I had did what I should and I wont regret about it ..
I should be crying now .. but I didn't ..
if you think it doesn't hurts .. then you are wrong .. it hurts badly ..
maybe the tears are not ready yet .. but somehow ..
I feel like crying too ..

after awhile ... I do a lot of thinking ..
I achieve pretty much of thing in life ..
one thing I'm very proud of is study ..
second thing is I'm proud of who I am now ..
third I'm proud of the ability that I have in taking care of my family .. after so many years .. I think I did pretty good job in taking care of them .. I can cook ... I can do housework .. I can do a lot of thing .. that some guys cant even do ..
forth I'm proud of how responsible I am in being who I should all this while .. maybe this is one of the reason why guys can't handle me .. I'm too independent and tough .. I handle everything on my own ..
fifth I'm proud of Lorna ... because .. she falls and stand up once again .. she falls and stand up again .. she learn and become stronger .. I love you girl .. because you are strong ..

but one thing .. just one thing in life that still sucks .. love and relationship ..
one thing that I fail the most .. is this ...
why ???
am I really that difficult to be with ?? or actually I'm too good and made people feel that they can't be with me ??
all I need is someone that can share part of me .. someone who care and love .. that's all ..
but it seems difficult ..
I'm tired to stand all by myself ..
I need someone ............... but its difficult ..



Lornalsq

The Last Embrace

memories with you .. kills me ..
I can't let go of moment that I spend with you ..
I tried to let go ..
your birthday was the last thing I promise myself to do for you ..
I promised myself to walk away but I CAN'T !!!!!!!!!!
I really can't .. the more I try the more I fall .. the more I hurt myself ..
I miss you even more ..
after your birthday our messages became lesser then less ..
will it soon be none ???

I waited quietly so that you won't know I was crying inside ..
I live my day wondering what you are doing and my night dreaming about you ..

one of the memories with you that keep me alive .. is ..
the moment we were at pd .. you hug me in you warm arms ..
I feel secured and safe in your hug .. that hug didn't last for long but its enough for me  to remember for the rest of my life .. its so warm and lovely to stick to you ...
you might not remember .. but is ok .. because I do ..
If I can choose .. I choose to be in your arms for the rest of my life ..


Lornalsq

Everything, Something, Nothing ...

when we first met .. 

'we' were everything ... 

we share a lot thing .. we talk a lot .. we care for each other a lot .. we be by each other side a lot .. 

when time goes ... 

'we' become something . 

you care less about me ... we talk lesser than usual ... you tend to reply my message lesser .. we spend lesser time sharing things ... 

when problem hits .. 

'we' turns into nothing .. 

you don't care ... you ignore me ... I became your nothing .. its like i'm invisible or never exists in your life ... 

why ?? 

every suffering and pain start from a kiss that leads to complication ... 

never fool me ... I ain't a toy that you can play when you are lonely ... ain't a game you play when you are bored .. neither a joke you can make ... 

you said you got feeling ... 

maybe is just to make me feel better .. 

but i'm pretty sure i felt worst than before .. 

I don't need sympathy

while I am struggling with emotional ups and downs ..
you asked me to be happy ..
how should I smile when my heart is bleeding once again ..
you save my heart but now you break it again ..
I don't need you to pretend that you care for me .. pretend that you have feelings for me ..
I had enough of sympathy in my life ..
I don't need you to pretend so that you think I could feel better  ...

its the end again ??

I placed my last hope on this trip ...
I didn't expect much from this trip .. because I don't want to end with disappointment ...
All I hope for is we could enjoy the first trip or maybe the last trip together ...
Seeing you laugh and smile is the happiest thing I could ever imagine ..
My last hope on you ended this morning at 11 something ..
One of my best friend .. said I should get things clear between you and me ...
if you didn't show anything that you want to be with me ..
then I should get to know the truth what is going on between us ..
I can't live in silence when you drift away quietly without telling me what happen ..
I can't stand watching you leave me without knowing what I did wrong ..
I can't get my heart broken again .. who give a damn ?? its shattered again ..
When I thought you give me the new reason to live .. you took it away again ..
why is this happening again ?? this is the third time ..
you change in silence and you didn't voice out the problem till I asked ...
you stop being nice to me so that we won't fall more for each other ??
what bullshit are you giving me ??
all this is resemble .. sentencing someone to death without a reason ...

this time .. problem was ..
people around care to much for me .. and you are afraid that they would blame you for not treating me well ..
oh well .. is this my problem too ???
why ??

every time I found a reason to smile .. you will take it away from me again ..
i'm gonna wake up everyday without a reason to live once again ..

I thought you walked into my life to stop my tears ..
but i'm wrong ..
you leave me in dark again ..

why is all this rubbish happening all over and over again ??

Speechless for the first time ..

this is the first time I went speechless even though I'm deeply hurt .. 
I have no words to describe how I feel right now ... 
all I can say is I feel stupid and being fooled once again .. 
its like waking up from a dream that has no ending ... ending is the moment you got a slap on you face in order for you to get up ... 
this slap .. worth it I guess .. cause its stop me from falling .. 
but its difficult .. 
I had just let go one that I waited for 2 years ... now I got to go through the same things again ... 
what the fuck is wrong with my life ??
where is the reset button ... 
when did I hit the repeat button .. 
cause bad things is repeating all over again and again ... 

If we could share dreams together

I had failed to do what I said .. It
Is difficult actually to keep distance away from you ...
But now I guess you are the one that lost interest on this ... Well I wont blame you cause the similarities that we have, causes us not to have the differences in completing each other ... Besides that, we were not meant to be together I think ... But why ?? It hurts .... But the moment you pick it up , you got to be prepared that it might not work and you got to let go of it .. It's painful cause you thought you found the best thing in life ... But when the god tell you he is not for you then what else can you do ?? Move on and be strong ... But who knows .. He might be the one too .. All you need is time to see what happens in the future ... Not today but maybe tomorrow ... All I hope is the best for us ..

I accept whatever I'll receive .. I accept who you are and endure with it .. Because true love requires us to sacrifice to the other .. Effort and time ... I dont mind actually because you worth it .. And I hope someone day we could share our dreams together and inspire each other ..


Love,
Lornalsq

Yesterday .. is another part of my history ..

after what happened all this years ..

people around me who cared how much I bleed and cried for the past relationship .. 

they are people who tends to be more protective now. 

I appreciate what they did for me because I understand their effort in protecting and preventing me from falling into love traps again .. 

they are people who see me struggles through my life in order to be as happy as now ... 

if I could be honest with them for once .. it will be ... I'm never happy even though I smile and laugh until I met him ..  for those who is close to me .. you will know who is he .. 

Want to know why ? 

I believe so much in faith .. if you guys understand .. 

everything that I do , I feel and I care is all about my feelings .. 

I do what my heart tell me to do .. if my hearts start to beat for him and my heart finally found a reason to be alive .. I know my heart is telling me to go after it .. and its time to leave the past alone ... 

but somehow ... 

things won't really last in my life .. 

that's why I am afraid .. 

I'm afraid love will betray me once again .. leaving me in miserable .. it's not easy to go through everything again .. I believe people who gone through what I've been will understand .. of course .. not all love story are alike .. but mine never have happily ever after .. mind concept I guess .. I'm being brought up seeing love won't last long .. 

when I was a kid .. I thought all love story are like fairy tales .. so perfect when you found your prince charming and they both live together happily ever after .. 

in reality .. now .. love story as in fairy tales doesn't exists anymore .. due to lots of different needs in life .. 

some people need luxurious life, some needs adventurous lifestyles and freedom in life .. love are now more to satisfying needs and wants of others ... 

but somehow ..  I do believe there are true love .. two people who love each other without conditions .. not giving and receiving the same amount of things from others .. ones who willing to sacrifices time and effort to make the love last .. perhaps forever...  but this is rare .. I hope someday I can manage to do the same .. 

finding the man who love me and I love him for who he is .. and we both make an effort in sustaining the love we have and to share the rest of our life together with endless love .. naive you might say but I do believe I can find one which belong to me ... 

all I ever wanted was someone who understand what I want ... someone who understand my life .. because my life wasn't as easy as how you might see .. you might think I'm rich and having an easy life with plenty of money and maids at home and ten or twenty credits card for me to shop and no worries in earning money for future cause I got a filthy rich father and I have the money to spends for life .. WAKE UP !!!! cause I'm not what you think I am ... I'm just a moderate people .. with moderate lifestyles .. no maid no money no credit cards .. I have what is just enough for me to survive over ..

love is the simplest thing I hope for in my life .. all I wish is to have someone by my side to share my everything .. but when I thought this is a simple wish, the reality tells me its not simple at all .. love should be simple and easy but its not anymore .. the presence of jealousy, unfaithful, anger, emotions , untrustworthy and such cause love to gets complicated... and sometimes .. all this negativity over shadow love that exists and when all this negativity gets the power to overwhelm your feelings .. you tends to leave the relationship.. but beneath the heart you still have the love but not the courage to admit... why ?? 

beneath my heart .. there are always a lot of untold stories because I don't have the courage to say it out .. this causes a lot problem I guess .. family, friends, relationships .. and such .. but all I ever thought was .. voicing out causes more problems which I don't want to face it .. you might say I'm a coward .. I had enough of problems in life .. I wake up everyday telling myself today will be fine .. but its not .. I deal with lot of it in every second of my life .. I'm tired .. 

but now .. people telling me is time to express myself .. HOW ??? 

I struggle with this problem too ... 

I guess I had been walking in circles but didn't really answered the first question .. 

When I first met him .. the connection was there .. when we get along .. we are able to communicate .. its a strange feeling that I cant describe with words .. that was 2 months back .... when I first met him .. 

when time pass .. we get to know each other more .. of course .. when time pass you will see more strength and weakness in the person .. but I never ignore his weaknesses because I know his imperfection make him perfect .. I adore his theory of life ... from him I learn .. he never rush me into things .. He always says .. we should take time into knowing each other before being into a relationship .. somehow .. I wasn't that into waiting for us to get to know each other because this will take up a long long time .. but in me I know what he say was true .. if you don't understand the other person how do we communicate in the future ..

understanding is important for a successful relationship .. however, when I started to believe and embrace what he say .. as in to get to know each other and we will see what happens in the future .. people around me tends to be worry of it .. Will he break my heart and I'll end up with nothing again ?? or he is trying to fool around ??? or is he trying to make me his toy ?? this is what all they are concerned about .. 

their concern had influenced me too .. when I get used to what he said .. I'm living everyday looking forward to understand and to know him more .. other peoples thoughts had pull me down .. I start to believe what other says about him .. he is not being serious .. and yes problems appear .. I start to doubt his trust .. and I create more problems out of it .. I made myself being unhappy .. I made him stress out .. but I really don't mean to add his stress .. 

he once told me .. whenever I have doubt I should go directly to him and ask .. but now getting a third party opinion .. create more problems when the third party doesn't know a thing about us .. maybe they know a little but sometimes .. human nature .. being a bit selfish .. they turn everything around .. and I'm someone who easily get confused by other's word .. this causes more problem when there is actually no problem at all .. 

somehow , after yesterday I realize I'm the one who valued this relationship too much .. I get what he wanted to tell me yesterday .. maybe in his eyes .. I'm just another friend of his .. but in me .. I treated him more than that .. maybe that the problem .. I've been doing too much and thinking too much ..  when we were just friends .. I know what to do now .. I'll remind myself we were nothing more than that .. I guess this would be the easiest and painless way of solving it .. all I can do is to hope things get better in the future ..

anyway .. 

for those of you that care .. 

I'm okay .. even though I cried a little this morning not because I'm sad .. 

but is to release what is kept in me for some time .. 

tears are always difficult to be kept .. 

so I let go of it .. 

I'm fine now .. 

and sometimes .. I hope .. this things should only be discussed between me and him without the interference of others .. I'll wiser now .. so please let me choose my own path .. I know what he is .. and no matter what feeling towards him will never be a lie .. its real and I hope this feeling could grow one day between us .. 

so don't worry about me .. 

thank you my dear family and friends .. I know you guys are the best .. but sometimes .. 

its time to let me fly and be who I wanted to be .. 

I'm a big girl now .. 

every happiness that I wish will come with sadness because they are in a package .. without sadness you wont's appreciate happiness .. therefore, be happy that there is sadness in life because they have their point too . 

Love you guys to the very end of my life .. 

Thank you =)

Love,

Lornalsq 

ps: i think this is the longest post ever . haha 

i'm unhappy

guess what ..
i'm not in mood again ..
its always the same thing happen in my life ..
i'm seriously clueless on what to do now ..
never feel as how i feel this moment ..
all i wish ...
is to find ....
a heart that belong to me ..
without pain ..
waiting hurts ..

what is enough ??

i guess every time i log in to this blog and started to write is always the time where i'm sad and unhappy ..
surely something happened and gave me the feelings to write ...
yes .. i'm not in mood again ..
after exam i should be in perfect mood because its so relaxing and stress free ..
but well .. i'm not .. not even a little ...
reading the past few post of mine .. i actually wrote about accomplishment in life ..
i talked about the success of my college life .. yeap .. i'm proud of it ..
but only one accomplishment is not enough ..
i need a balance in life ..
seriously need it ..
few years ago .. i thought i had found someone who i love ... but its not .. struggle goes on till this year ..
and things started to change ..
i found someone who give me hope in life .. but somehow .. i'm not that sure about it ... i doubt myself again ..
this type not doubt about feeling but doubt on my capability in sustaining it .. i guess the problem came back to being not enough ... while i thought i'm actually giving my best .. it turn out to be no ... he cant really feel it ..
im sad enough to know that ... my very best was nothing .. was not enough again ..
so what is enough ?? i seriously got no idea ..

Lack and being not enough is part of my life

will one day same thing happen again ??

sometimes I wonder all this while .. am I really the problem that causes all relationship to end and break into shattered pieces.. am I ????
lack of words is the reason ??? lack of care ??? lack of conversation ??? why do it always got to do with lack and not enough ???
my problem I guess ...
I maybe not have lots of words that could make you feel better and to show that I care but ....
I truly and sincerely care everything of yours ..

Four years in Segi UC

haha ..
remember the first time I step into Segi was 4 years ago .. May 2008 .. after SPM
the first day of college was orientation .. haha
I remembered I forced my mom to accompany me to college and be with me till the orientation begin ..
then I handle the rest on my own .. funny isn't it ?? I'm terrified to look at my new life that time ..
being used to going to school at the same time and seeing the same people during secondary school ..
college is something new that time ..
while I were still being afraid .. orientation was like watching horror movie to me ..
no friends ... all alone .. no one to talk to for that few hours was life's most suffering things that could happen ...
then I meet my first college friend , Charlotte .. cute little girl with big smiles ..
I met her during the time where I wanted to submit some kind of forms for student card .. I peep on her form to see what course she is ... haha .. and guess what .. same course as me .. and yes .. I bravely introduce myself to her .. funny ..
so yeah ..
starting with foundation ..
one year .. happen in a blink of eyes ..
study well ..
first accomplishment in college .. high achiever scholarship offered by college for the first year of my degree course .. and i took up the challenge in achieving gpa 3.8 and above for each semester in order to sustain it ..
continued with degree ... degree in accounting and finance ..
first year ... nah .. still got long to go .. another 2 years to complete .. no worries ..
second year ... still got a year till completion .. cant wait to smell the freedom ...
third year first semester ... getting nearer .. but somehow feel different .. hope time doesn't travel that fast ..
third year last semester ... last day of class (last thursday) .. I look at each of my classmates .. wow girl .. 3 years of degree with one year of foundation .. you had accomplished a lot .. look at the friendship that you build  and bond .. look at the achievement you gained through your hard work ..and you manage to sustain your results at expected results . look at the story of life that you create for yourselves.. look at the four years .. my tears fell ... rolling down my cheek ..
I'm proud of you Lorna !
4 years full of ups and downs but you had never give up .. you had written the BEST story of life for yourselves  ..
you had given the BEST of yourselves to what you accomplished this moment ..
Girl , you have one more final exam which is super duper important for you ..
I'm sure you will pay 100% effort and attention on it ..
I believe you can do it .
Nothing can beat you and make you fall because you are stronger than what you think you are ..
I'm sure you will graduate proudly with your family being proud of you ...
I'm sure you will achieve First Class Degree Honor ..
You will be proud of yourselves  ..
So for now .. keep your head in study !!!


Love
Lornalsq

when this chapter ends .. here comes another new chapter of life .. but who knows what .. so wait ..

Why is love so difficult ?

Can love be easier ... ???
Can relationship be simpler ... ???
Can happiness last longer ... ???
Can sadness disappear forever ... ???
Can scare heal up fast ... ???
Can I smile like how I used to be ???
Can my happiness come back ???
Can my confident come back ???
Can I be who I am ???
Can I breath like other human breath ???
Can I live like other people do ???
Can I be free from what I'm facing now ???
Can I ... Stop .... Thinking .... ???
If I were granted a wish .... The wish will be stop thinking .... At least thg will be simple and easier ...
To smile when you're not happy is difficult . To laugh when you're in pain is torturing . Lying to the world is easy but lying to yourself is harder than reaching stars on the sky ...

Fear of being betrayed ...

how should I describe my feelings now ??
no idea ...
but all I know is fucked up feeling ..
why am I still living in fear ??

Appreciate everything you have ,,,

I remember the last time I fall , I had promised that if I ever fall in love again and able to stand up again .
Then I'll give my every best to the person and to appreciate every moment that I have with him ...

At this moment, I've been appreciating everything that I have so that I don't need to regret anymore .
Life is just too short to regret, to blame, to be angry, to be sad and of course life can be a little bit challenging but I'm sure I'll be able to get through it.
Falling apart once awhile is okay, but I need to get myself together fast because time waits for no one.
I had wasted two years waiting for someone who ignore my existence who forget our promises who does't care.
but I had never regret waiting because of his ignorance I had became stronger and also sees what the world is .
I'm able to look at you and smile now because you has no effect on me . I had move on without you .
Of course , this two years hasn't been good years for me but I fight through it all by myself . I can smile happily looking at it. because I has accomplished a lot through the bad times. this moment I feel grateful that he left because his leaving made me realize that life isn't about staying in the past and hold on just to memories and to hold on to one person who doesn't love me.

more to come in the future so why waste time ? there are people out there who appreciate my existence and love me for who I am . so from now on, I walk out form the past.

the previous post I had feelings were I feel insecure and sad. but I had reassure myself . I won't stay in anyone's shadow anymore and i'll ignore what others say. I know how things works in my life . what matters is how i feel.

I will just enjoy every moment now . breathe and smile like there is not tomorrow. be who I am . be with whoever I wan to be with .. because there isn't any wrong n right in the world . its about how I see it.

I do mind about how people talk about me because they don't understand ...
but is okay ..



Love
Lornalsq

Life isn't about hiding in the past

In life ...
There were times that you feel insecure . There were times where you feel dark and lonely . There were times that you feel everything go against you . Even the simplest thing that happen in your life this moment you will see it as a threat ... Why ???
It is because of you are still afraid of the past ?? Or experience from the past actually still haunt you ....
Things that happened were not under your control but why things happen in the same way as the past ???
When you get afraid ..
You will never see what is in front of you ...
Even when love comes you will never walk into it but away from it . Because you are too afraid that they will leave you just like what other people do to you ...
But why don't you give a try ???
And see what is in the future ..
You might be surprised that things will turn up perfectly..



Love,
Lornalsq

I'm fine .. tq

hello blog !!!

its time to update you my bloggy .. yup .. 

there's been a lot of things going on .. but i'm still ok .. even though I'm all stressed up .. 

I can still stand it .. 

yup . been busying with my thesis .. but things are still fine . 

i believe i can do it .. 

besides that, been very hardworking in exercising and dieting too .. so yeah .. 

im a little exhausted .. 

lack of food intake . lack of sleep .. 

don't worry things will be fine .. 

its enough for me to survive .. 

every words of yours keep me going .. 

every breathe of yours keep me alive .. 

thank you for being with me <3

Fuck up mood

fuck fuck fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!! hope i could really shout this loud ..
but cant .. its all stuck in the heart and brain is jam .. what the fuck is wrong with me ??
two weeks till submission .. and my progression is 0%
feel so fuck up right now ..
what am i supposed to do ???
i cant get things right ..
i dont know where to start ..
lorna ... what is wrong ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
please do something ....

Another chapter of life ..

when things were always not at your side ...

you tends to give up in life and yeah ... do whatever shit that you feel like doing ...

when you thought there isn't any hope in life ..

here comes a helping hand that is willing to pull you up and make you feel you belong ..

you know what ??

somehow ..

i think i had find the helping hand ..

so who ???

haha ..

not the right time to tell ..

because we both agree to keep it as natural as possible ..

one thing that i had to keep my mind in my thesis and exam ..

life most important stage for me ..

to graduate proudly from college ...

so yeah ..

another reminder to myself ..

First Class Degree ... HERE I COME BABY !!!!!!!!!!

It's time to write my own story of life ..

haha ..
i guess its the time to move on .. even though .. things are not 100% sure but I had decided to move on without you ..
my bestie had been asking me to let go and move on long time ago ...
but i'm stubborn enough to ignore it ..
but yeah .. i had promised myself to move on ...
its time to find myself a MR. RIGHT ... (who ever it is) ..
i'll wait for you to come ..  haha
so yeah ..
i'll continue this blog with my story of life ...
not my story living under your shadow ..
so wait for my new chapter of life ..
as for now .... attention and concentration are completely on assignment, thesis and exam .. last semester ..
new life begins after this semester ... and importantly to achieve my goal as a First Class Degree student .
yup .. a lot pressure on me ..
family place high hopes on me .. and i'll never let them down ...
=) don't worry .. i can manage everything ... because I'm Lolo ...


Love,
Lornalsq

My ji mui my love my bestie ...

I have a friend that I will appreciate and love forever ... She is the best . When I'm in my worst she is the one who give me a helping hand and pull me up from the hole . Thank you .. I will always be by your side too ..

Today she said something that really make feel very touch .

The one in blue .. my ji mui .. my love .. my bestie .. 

Love ya .... 

Fate at the staircase ....

i'm wondering how should I put all this into words .. 

lets start with a story ??? 

I know this gonna be bored for those who read this .. 

thousand apologies but I cant stand keeping it in my heart ...

few years back ... 

I met a guy which is a complete stranger to me ... all I know he is a friend of my friend ... 

first impression .. snobbish ... yet something catch my eyes .. maybe is his snobbishness i guess .. 

at that time .. i don't even know his name .. this was during foundation ....

before degree starts .. i added him in my fb .. 

one day .. was playing with those stupid application .. "who stalk your profile the most" .. 

his name appear to be in the top 10 list ... 

he commented on the list ... we start to talk ... 

this is how we get close .. 

we start chatting in fb message .. 

the moment we start chatting is the moment everything starts .. 

instant feeling .. instant sparks .. we can get along very well ... 

i look forward to chat with him everyday ... 

that time ... we only chat in fb message or msn or sms.. haven't meet up yet .. 

one day .. he said .. " if you bump into me in college , remember to smile " 

reason of requesting me to smile is because i said i don't like to smile .. 

i agreed to smile when i see him .. 

after a few days .. i really bump into him at the right wing staircase ... 

my first smile for him .. =) 

both of us heads to the bursary .. 

while opening the door .. he asked ... in mandarin .. where are you going ? 

i replied one word .. bursary .. he didn't know i don't really speak mandarin .. 

yup .. my mandarin sucks during foundation ... and also the starting of degree .. 

however its different know .. 

- the end - 

why am i telling this story ?? 

because after 1 year and 197 days of not seeing him .. 
i bump into him in college today .. 
i thought i would never have the chance to see him anymore .. 
i will be graduating soon ... so i thought we will not bump into each other anymore .. 
today i was walking out with friends from right wing .. walking and talking .. 
but suddenly i stop and look in front .. somehow .. something stop me and told me to look .. 
i saw him ... 
feeling at the moment is exactly the same as the first time i bump into him at the staircase .. 
heartbeat increased .. i can feel my heart starts to pump for love again .. 
it feels like my heart had been dead for ages and its start to pump again after seeing him .. 
but this time I didn't manage to smile because i was stunned to see him .. 
all this while .. i wonder how would it feel to see you .... 
now i know ... 
maybe fate bring us back to the staircase .. but this time ... is not bringing us together .. 
but to let me know its time to let go .. 
last time bump into him ... we head towards the same direction .. make us into one .. 
this time ... we walked away separately ..  towards different direction .. 
i tried not to look back .. because i know i wont be able to let go .. 
maybe .. 
where it starts is where it ends .. 
maybe this will be the last ... 
seeing you today .. parts of me is extremely happy but part of me is extremely sad .. 
because ... you seems like you don't know me .. 


i told soo yee if i have a chance to choose .. i choose not to see you till i graduate .. at least .. i thought i had let go .. to know that I can't be with you anymore....  kills me ... 
but somehow i wish to see you too ..  yeah .. i cant make up my mind .. 
its funny to know that .. when you lose something ... you will start remembering details that you wont even noticed last time ... funny right ?? out of sudden ... i remembered the t-shirt colour that you wear ... the colour of bag that i carried ... 


seeing you online now .. i have the urge to send you messages but i don't dare ... 
what if you ignored it .. 
i'll hurt myself more .. 
so i choose not to send .. 


by the way .. if i could tell you ... You look absolutely stunning today .. presentable ... neat .. good looking ... as gorgeous as how you used to be .. 
 just the way i love you .... 






Love,
Lornalsq

Another random post

Feels like it's has been ages since the previous post ... I guess .. I oftenly start my post with this line .. Yup .. Cause I rarely post nowadays ... somehow I got nothing to write and feelings were all messed up especially I am in a very stressful condition .. Yes ... Assignment and thesis is killing me at the same time ... Stress level =100% .. Good isn't it ?? Less time to think about other stuff ... Nah .. Doesn't work like that ... I need a person to talk to .. A person who can share my doubts ... Someone who can suggest perhaps guiding me to a better road ... That's why I need you ... To me ... You are someone who has better life experience or I should say better knowledge in handling life ... All I have is knowledge in studying .. But nothing else ... So I need someone who can talk ... So that I don't need to try hard in striking conversation .. I am not a person that like to think of conversation ... Cause I'll get fed up soon ... I prefer people who can talk but not craps .. Something useful ... So that I can feel better .. Maybe u might get me wrongly that I need sweet talks in life ... No ... But which girl doesn't like it .. However .. All I need now is words that is supportive .. At least I can be more energize and get ready to fight again !!! Yeah .. I just need the energy that you used to give me ... With you i don't need to rest neither sleep ... Because you are the source of energy ... But yah .. I know he is not here anymore .. So I need my own source of energy ... To find a better road for myself ... Haha ... This post will be confusing cause I'm sleepy and struggling with my emo-ness cause results will be out soon ... So wish me Luck and I hope the next post will be good news about my results !!!!! Haha ... I should be confident of myself . Lorna , I believe that you can do it and First Class Degree is in your hand !!!!

Love,
Lornalsq

Emo post ...

i have tried not write here ...
also ..
tried to stop thinking ..
also ...
tried not to remind myself about it ..
but ..
why ..
people around me ...
things around me ...
environment ..
everything that i see and encounter everyday ..
relates ..
to ...
u ...


i ..
had ..
failed ...
to ..
let ..
go ...
again ...

If ..

Been watching Beyonce's concert for the whole yesterday ... it's so awesome and miracle .. Being inspired by her .. She touches everyone's heart .. Feels great after watching it .. Somehow the song touches my heart a lot .. She is inspiring and keeps me motivated ... Strange right ?? But this is how I feel after watching it .... Haha

So ... Which song touches my heart the most ????
If I were a boy ....

Yup this song ...
Makes me think .. If I were a boy ... Girls will be loved in better ways and I could understand them more ... I listen to them... No girls will be hurt because I know how it feels when you lose someone you wanted .. If I were a boy ... Things seems easier ... To love a girl with all I have ... And to be a better man ... Haha ... So this is if I were a boy ..

Come back to reality ....
You are just a boy ...
Couldn't understand her and doesn't know how it feels to love a person ... You wouldn't listen to her and doesn't care how much it hurts .. You do whatever you like ... But you will never be a better man ...

Sad .. It's the reality now ... Man don't love you forever ... Love fades when time comes .. You will only be their past .. No matter how much you're hurt .. They doesn't care .. Once they walk away they will never turn back ... But we, girls .. We gives chances and forgives them no matter what happen
...however... until a day .. Where there is no point to wait and forgive ... Girl , you will wake up and walk away too ... So stay strong ... And love yourselves more ... No one will love you as much as yourselves because this love is forever and never ends =)

Love,
Lornalsq