Have you ever wonder what the hell is going on with your life as everything messed up and nothing went smoothly ? just one mistake that you made when you're naive and you're getting countless give backs now .. karma ? what goes around comes back around I guess .. one mistake that changes the whole damn thing ..
I have never been in this confusing situation. It feels like I've been held back by old memories and being pull by new memories . its like being pull in two different directions. somehow some part of my heart belong to someone from the past and some part were being occupied by someone that I had let go .. I can't really explain how I feel because its complicated .. all this while .. Mr. Y has his place in my heart .. no doubt he still has it .. but Mr. T has a place in there too .. its like .. argghhhh .. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here ... to make it easy is I wanted to let go both feeling and I don't want to live in anyone shadows .. but the more I wanted to let go the more it pulls me ...
memories with Mr. Y kills .. he is someone who I always wanted to be with .. things that we have been through was remarkable ... nothing can replace it .. but is waiting for him to turn around is what I should do ? is it the right thing to do ?
journey with Mr. T was short .. but somehow there were memories that stayed .. somehow .. letting go of it is easier comparing to the previous one ... I'm doing fine all this while ... I'm not sad neither angry of him anymore but when I'm almost there .. almost reach the point of letting go completely .. karma hits again .. maybe how much that I had hurt Mr. Y .. I got to go through the pain that I gave Mr. Y myself and to get tortured double the pain ..
Dear God, what are you trying to tell me ?
the moment where I'm able to let go of Mr.T ... You played a fool of me by letting us meet unexpectedly .. the percentage or the probability of meeting him on Christmas day at the most unbelievable place ... what are you trying to tell me ? to show that we have the fate to meet and to be together but all I got to do is fight for this love ?????? or .. to show that he is with someone else and he is not the one and I should let go completely ???? what are You trying to prove ? I'm tired of guessing because I'm clueless ... should I stay wit old memories .. to fight for new ones ? or to give up everything and wait ? what do You want me to do ?
till now .. all I have is tears rolling down my cheeks ..
I can't write anymore ..
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