Fate at the staircase ....

i'm wondering how should I put all this into words .. 

lets start with a story ??? 

I know this gonna be bored for those who read this .. 

thousand apologies but I cant stand keeping it in my heart ...

few years back ... 

I met a guy which is a complete stranger to me ... all I know he is a friend of my friend ... 

first impression .. snobbish ... yet something catch my eyes .. maybe is his snobbishness i guess .. 

at that time .. i don't even know his name .. this was during foundation ....

before degree starts .. i added him in my fb .. 

one day .. was playing with those stupid application .. "who stalk your profile the most" .. 

his name appear to be in the top 10 list ... 

he commented on the list ... we start to talk ... 

this is how we get close .. 

we start chatting in fb message .. 

the moment we start chatting is the moment everything starts .. 

instant feeling .. instant sparks .. we can get along very well ... 

i look forward to chat with him everyday ... 

that time ... we only chat in fb message or msn or sms.. haven't meet up yet .. 

one day .. he said .. " if you bump into me in college , remember to smile " 

reason of requesting me to smile is because i said i don't like to smile .. 

i agreed to smile when i see him .. 

after a few days .. i really bump into him at the right wing staircase ... 

my first smile for him .. =) 

both of us heads to the bursary .. 

while opening the door .. he asked ... in mandarin .. where are you going ? 

i replied one word .. bursary .. he didn't know i don't really speak mandarin .. 

yup .. my mandarin sucks during foundation ... and also the starting of degree .. 

however its different know .. 

- the end - 

why am i telling this story ?? 

because after 1 year and 197 days of not seeing him .. 
i bump into him in college today .. 
i thought i would never have the chance to see him anymore .. 
i will be graduating soon ... so i thought we will not bump into each other anymore .. 
today i was walking out with friends from right wing .. walking and talking .. 
but suddenly i stop and look in front .. somehow .. something stop me and told me to look .. 
i saw him ... 
feeling at the moment is exactly the same as the first time i bump into him at the staircase .. 
heartbeat increased .. i can feel my heart starts to pump for love again .. 
it feels like my heart had been dead for ages and its start to pump again after seeing him .. 
but this time I didn't manage to smile because i was stunned to see him .. 
all this while .. i wonder how would it feel to see you .... 
now i know ... 
maybe fate bring us back to the staircase .. but this time ... is not bringing us together .. 
but to let me know its time to let go .. 
last time bump into him ... we head towards the same direction .. make us into one .. 
this time ... we walked away separately ..  towards different direction .. 
i tried not to look back .. because i know i wont be able to let go .. 
maybe .. 
where it starts is where it ends .. 
maybe this will be the last ... 
seeing you today .. parts of me is extremely happy but part of me is extremely sad .. 
because ... you seems like you don't know me .. 


i told soo yee if i have a chance to choose .. i choose not to see you till i graduate .. at least .. i thought i had let go .. to know that I can't be with you anymore....  kills me ... 
but somehow i wish to see you too ..  yeah .. i cant make up my mind .. 
its funny to know that .. when you lose something ... you will start remembering details that you wont even noticed last time ... funny right ?? out of sudden ... i remembered the t-shirt colour that you wear ... the colour of bag that i carried ... 


seeing you online now .. i have the urge to send you messages but i don't dare ... 
what if you ignored it .. 
i'll hurt myself more .. 
so i choose not to send .. 


by the way .. if i could tell you ... You look absolutely stunning today .. presentable ... neat .. good looking ... as gorgeous as how you used to be .. 
 just the way i love you .... 






Love,
Lornalsq

Another random post

Feels like it's has been ages since the previous post ... I guess .. I oftenly start my post with this line .. Yup .. Cause I rarely post nowadays ... somehow I got nothing to write and feelings were all messed up especially I am in a very stressful condition .. Yes ... Assignment and thesis is killing me at the same time ... Stress level =100% .. Good isn't it ?? Less time to think about other stuff ... Nah .. Doesn't work like that ... I need a person to talk to .. A person who can share my doubts ... Someone who can suggest perhaps guiding me to a better road ... That's why I need you ... To me ... You are someone who has better life experience or I should say better knowledge in handling life ... All I have is knowledge in studying .. But nothing else ... So I need someone who can talk ... So that I don't need to try hard in striking conversation .. I am not a person that like to think of conversation ... Cause I'll get fed up soon ... I prefer people who can talk but not craps .. Something useful ... So that I can feel better .. Maybe u might get me wrongly that I need sweet talks in life ... No ... But which girl doesn't like it .. However .. All I need now is words that is supportive .. At least I can be more energize and get ready to fight again !!! Yeah .. I just need the energy that you used to give me ... With you i don't need to rest neither sleep ... Because you are the source of energy ... But yah .. I know he is not here anymore .. So I need my own source of energy ... To find a better road for myself ... Haha ... This post will be confusing cause I'm sleepy and struggling with my emo-ness cause results will be out soon ... So wish me Luck and I hope the next post will be good news about my results !!!!! Haha ... I should be confident of myself . Lorna , I believe that you can do it and First Class Degree is in your hand !!!!

Love,
Lornalsq

Emo post ...

i have tried not write here ...
also ..
tried to stop thinking ..
also ...
tried not to remind myself about it ..
but ..
why ..
people around me ...
things around me ...
environment ..
everything that i see and encounter everyday ..
relates ..
to ...
u ...


i ..
had ..
failed ...
to ..
let ..
go ...
again ...