If ..

Been watching Beyonce's concert for the whole yesterday ... it's so awesome and miracle .. Being inspired by her .. She touches everyone's heart .. Feels great after watching it .. Somehow the song touches my heart a lot .. She is inspiring and keeps me motivated ... Strange right ?? But this is how I feel after watching it .... Haha

So ... Which song touches my heart the most ????
If I were a boy ....

Yup this song ...
Makes me think .. If I were a boy ... Girls will be loved in better ways and I could understand them more ... I listen to them... No girls will be hurt because I know how it feels when you lose someone you wanted .. If I were a boy ... Things seems easier ... To love a girl with all I have ... And to be a better man ... Haha ... So this is if I were a boy ..

Come back to reality ....
You are just a boy ...
Couldn't understand her and doesn't know how it feels to love a person ... You wouldn't listen to her and doesn't care how much it hurts .. You do whatever you like ... But you will never be a better man ...

Sad .. It's the reality now ... Man don't love you forever ... Love fades when time comes .. You will only be their past .. No matter how much you're hurt .. They doesn't care .. Once they walk away they will never turn back ... But we, girls .. We gives chances and forgives them no matter what happen
...however... until a day .. Where there is no point to wait and forgive ... Girl , you will wake up and walk away too ... So stay strong ... And love yourselves more ... No one will love you as much as yourselves because this love is forever and never ends =)

Love,
Lornalsq

Key of my heart

You're the only one that have the key to my heart .. <3 and it's lock by you .. Occupied by you ...

I am nobody ...

Seems like I'm always the last person in everyone's list ... Most people only need me when they need help or whatsoever ... And throw me away when things are done for them .. Can't really get a person who can listen to me whenever I need people to listen to me .. Someone who understand and concern on what I'm facing ... But unfortunately I'm still facing all this shit alone .. How much I wish I could talk to you and tell you everything that is happening now ... At least you will listen and also solve it for me ... All I wish you were here .. And tell me is okay , things can be solved ... But you ain't around ...

Lornalsq

I am not fine

I guess tonight I'm gonna cry myself to sleep again ... Nite blog ... I'm not in mood again ...

I doubt myself

hmmm .... there's a lot mix feelings within me ..

every time i close my eyes .... i see memories of you .. your smile .. your hug .. your kiss .. and it feels so real ...
and eventually tears roll down my cheeks ... when i open my eyes ...
i'm still living in the past .. and i haven't walk a single step out from it ...
this feeling should have reduced ... should have faded ...
the feeling gets stronger everyday ..
i'm afraid I can't handle my emotions anymore ..
i miss you every single second ...

maybe because of it .. i refused to let other people to enter my life ..
i have issue in accepting new love .. new people .. new relationship ..
i have problem letting go my past .. let go of  you ... letting go everything from the past ...
i doubt myself in loving others ...
i'm afraid ... i will only accept them as a replacement of you .. i'll expect them to be like you ..
but not truly loving them ..
i'm afraid .. at the end ... i will .. only love you ...
what should i do ??
i can't go on like that ... i'm human .... fragile heart ...
will i ever have the confident to walk another step out of my misery ??
to love and accept other people ???
to give my heart to others .. who love me ..

Sorry ...
Lornalsq

My 100th posts .. ^.^

just realized I had 99 posts ... and this will be the 100th post ...

the funny thing is .. my instagram has 99 pictures and soon it will hit 100 pictures too ...

so 100 is my lucky number for today ??

haha ..

here comes story ...

Dear blog,

I had lost count of days .. days I had waited for him to turn back ...

I had gone through my emails ... and i found it .. dated 12/09/10 ...

from that date till now .. it's 524 days ..... the moment I realised it was 524 days .. my tears start to falls .. i can feel the pain in me ... it's so painful .. so so painful ... i realised i had keep myself away from it .. kept away but not forgotten neither had let go .... it's still here ... memories of you are still strong ... why can't it fades ???
please let me breathe .. please ... why am I still living in shadows .....
why it is so difficult to let go ???
maybe i shouldn't ...

write till here i seriously don't really know what to write .. i'm tired .. tired of writing ... tired of crying .. tired of hoping .. tired .. why cant i tell u .. talk to u .... like how we used to talk ... I miss u ...


the necklace you gave had changed colour ... seem like gonna rust .. the diamond had cracked .. maybe this the reason why everything fail ... because it doesn't work ...

I love you forever ... Even though you're not here with me .. Even though I know it's impossible to have you in my life again ... You will always be in my heart .. and this love will never fades .. you will own a part of my heart .. i'll go on with life .. you will always be part of it ... 

Love , 

Lornalsq

Life Isn't Fair .. Accept it ..

talking about fairness ..
bullshit .. never happen in my life ..
well I'll tell you why ..

so .. Valentine was yesterday ...
had fun with my friends ...
everything went well .. just one thing .. make me feel ... speechless ... don't really know how to describe ..
it's just that her bf is not around for some reason ... why is everyone (family) so worry about her ???
how is she ?? how is she ?? how is she ?? ask her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck !!!! why ask me ??? am i her ?? am i her ???? fuck fuck fuck ... all i feel like answering is fuck ...
every time this question been asked ... my wound gets deeper and deeper ... it's painful till i have to cry silently in toilet ... do you think Valentine is easy for me too ??? i might seems fine ... but is there any one of you ever know how i feel ??
how pity is not to have her bf with her this year ?? till u all need to be that worry ??? afraid she will simply think ??? fuck ... fuck

she has someone with her .. yes .. unfortunately .. they can celebrate this year valentine's day together .. if their love last .. they still have birthdays .... anniversary ... Christmas .. new year ... next year valentine ... still have many to celebrate ...

what do i have ??? i don't even get to celebrate any of it with him ... NO !!!!!! not even a chance ... i go through every of it alone ... There's no way for me to be with him .. Not even a little hope cause I can't even get close to him .. Have u guys ever ask how am I ???? Did u ??? No !!!!! Family ???? Don't even give a damn on me ... Will only remember my existence when help needed .. That's what I am to u guys ...

I'm sick ... Sick of being what I am now ... Many more unfairness ... No point to say it out loud here ....

Happy Single Day Too !!

Last year , I wish myself the same thing too ... Well it's been a year ... And yeah ... Still alone .. Maybe like what most people say ... FOREVER ALONE !!!! No doubt that it's gonna be a lonely Valentine this year .. Expected .. Yeah .. Just not that easy to find someone you love and someone who love you the same ... So I guess .. It's just me this year .. But is ok .. One day I'll get to celebrate Valentine with my another half .. Just wonder when will it be ... Soon maybe .. Haha ... Or .. I should look at the bright side that I still get to enjoy my single life and do anything I want without people telling me no !! So yeah .. Like what Kenix say .. I'm single and I'm lovin it .. Of course .. Nobody wanna be alone during Valentine .. And yes I'm still dreaming all day long ... I dreamt that maybe ....................,. Nah ... Is ok ... Don't need to day it out loud here .. Cause it will never happen .. T.T I just miss having you around ... So whats the plan for today ?!! no idea yet .. Waiting for friends to decide ... So maybe we gonna party hard tonight ... Hahahahhaha ..... Or a romantic dinner with my bestie ... we will see ...
So for those couples out there ,. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY ! Appreciate whoever you are celebrating with today ... And for those who is single ... Is ok ... Try again next year .. You will find someone when its your turn .. Just like what I saw in Facebook today .. you're not single ..
It's just that God is busy writing the best love story for you !!! Good luck everyone . Have a memorable Valentine's Day no matter what ....
I Love Me ..
I Love My Family ..
I Love My Friends ..
I Love You ..

Love ,
Lornalsq

Last semester

3 more days till the starting of the last semester as a college student ..
WOW !!! i'm proud of myself .. proud of everything that i had accomplished during this 4 years ..
4 years ..  still remember the day i step into college ... and new life begin there ... noob ... haha ...
things had changed .. people around me changed and of course i had changed too ..
looking back ... i see lot of things ...  lot of memories ... lot of smiles ...
trying to imagine .. what happen next ???
.......... ACCA ..............
.......... work ...........
.............. life .................
errrrr .... scary ...... READY TO MEET THE REALITY ?????
hope so .... haha ...
so i'm going to enjoy my last semester as a college student happily with my friends ..
and ... when i graduate .. i'll post good news here ... 1st Class Honours Degree !!!!!
wait for my good news .. i'll work 100 times harder for this ... my dream ...
so wish me luck ...
I can do it =)


Love,
Lornalsq