The end of another chapter ^.^

one lesson that I've learnt this time is never fall for someone that I understand less ...
I think I had never learn it till now .. haha 
but I had never regret about it because meeting him makes my story of life interesting ..
when I thought I can never fall in love again , he is the one who brought hope to me ..
when I thought I never have the confident to be loved again , he is the one who gave me the confident ..

He seems perfect .. I thought this time was meeting Mr. Right ...
who knows at the end it was Mr. Wrong again ..
but is okay because of him I understand myself more ... and I'm pretty sure him is not what I need ..
of course even thought he is not what I need but it still hurts .. badly I guess ...
the pain was once again unbearable ... it breaks the fragile heart that it once healed ..

when we meet ... we meet at wrong place .. wrong moment ... wrong timing ..
how much I wish we had never meet ... but somehow I'm glad we did .. 
because of him I had let go of the burden that I carried for two years .. 
that is why I always say never want to know any guys from drinking place, club, pub, or whatever it call a place that serve alcoholic drink ... because when you drink you tends to gets out of your mind ..
this apply not only to guys but girls too .. we tends to be a bit playful and crazy after drink ..
because of it we did something stupid and crazy ..
therefore, guys that you get to know during drinking session is a big NO NO !!!
even though not all story have the same ending ... but I'm always the unlucky ones ..

writing blog doesn't mean I'm complaining .. all I want to do now is to write down happiness that I have with him .. because the past cannot be erased , edited nor forgotten .. I'm accepting at it is and I choose to cherish the happiness that I got from him .. memories that I'll keep for the rest of my life .. 

he is the second guy that are willing to spend a lot on calling me .. we can spend a few hours talking on phone .. by only listening to you breathe is more than enough .. the gentleness of his voice make me feel safe and makes me smile .. *even by recalling it now make me smile like a silly girl* .. he has a lot of life theory that he always wanted to share with me .. a lot jokes that he cracked just to make me laugh .. he used to say he like to hear me saying 还好 .. he said I got my own slang .. things with him is so comfortable that I don't need to pretend .. everything that he told me .. will always be in my mind .. one thing that I didn't was not stopping myself from falling in love with him .. he did remind me about it .. don't fall for him too much because we don't really know each other .. but the feeling was uncontrollable and real .. 

when we meet ... we meet during my assignment, FYP and final exams period .. stress level was overload .. he was there for me .. every time I feel like giving up .. he is the one who gave me the helping hand and pull me up again .. I'm so touched that he stay up all night to study with me ... waited for hours even though he is tired after work .. he send me lot of supportive message that I cried after reading it .. because I'm touched to have someone to cheer me up .. everything seems so perfect and simple that time .. he called every night before the exam day ... try to make me smile and laugh just to release stress but he doesn't allow me to laugh too much because according to his theory I will forget what I read and studied ... 

He is one guy that I meet that we will actually stop his game to reply me .. I remember he said he is one man that worth to get married with .. Maybe but I'm sure your side is not where I belong .. From darling to girl .. all his sweet calling vanished slowly .. I told him the way he called me girl resemble dad calling his daughter ... how much I wish its still here ... we used to share pictures with each other ... his cute lovely drawings ... daily life pictures  ... we do share a lot songs too .. love songs .. one more thing .. whenever we end our call .. he used to say good night bye bye very fast .. i complained and he change to a slower version .. very cute .. he used to say he will wait for me downstairs at the glass door .. he sent me home once .. and then every night he said after going to bed .. please meet me there .. its so sweet .. 

by this post .. It's impossible to write down everything that I love about him .. because words couldn't describe everything between us .. every happy moment that I have with him will always be in my heart .. this feelings couldn't fade away in a sudden but time will slowly turn it to nothing .. the reason why I did not regret this time is I had already given my very best and I appreciate everything he gave ...


the first 3 months ... things seems fine .. 
till he was afraid that people around me were too caring about us ... he got terrified from being blamed for not giving me the best .. but I had never request the best from him .. 
till he said he felt the pressure I gave him by waiting for him everyday .. especially when he is out for badminton and gym or whatsoever that he did till late night with his friends .. he doesn't want me to wait for him to get home .. 
till he said I'm his good friend and he doesn't want to take anything further .. 
till he said "Lorna, I think you deserve someone better" ... 
till he is actually with some other girl ... 

Now I'm sitting here in front of this laptop .. writing out everything is because its time to end this chapter of life .. its over and no point to hold on tight to it ..
because he will never be mine .. we weren't meant to be together .. 
some friends told me .. all the reason he gave me was something he made up .. told me his love and feelings were fake and its all lies that he made up .. everything he gave me was a sweet dream .. but so what ?? its over now .. if its a sweet dream then just let it be .. if its a lie then keep it as a lie .. I don't want to know the truth ... why not just let it be in the best condition .. 

after all this .. I wrote in the previous post that I was a nightmare meeting him .. but I'm ok now .. 
before this I told his friend to tell him not to find me or text me .. because at that moment I hated him to the max .. but now .. I hoped we could be friends again .. maybe not now but in the future .. 
because I cherish every friendship .. 
I understand that we have the fate to meet but not the fate to be together .. 

haha .. 
I'm all out of words now .. 

anyway ..
if .. who knows .. he get to read this post .. 
this is what I wanted you to know .. 

Thank You Richie , because of you ... I have another part of interesting story of life .. because of you .. I know what I need ..and because of you ... I smiled and being able to let go of you and all this ... I wish the best of everything for you .. be happy ya .. don't be afraid of life .. 只要你开心就好 ... 


Love,
Lornalsq 


------------------------------------------------ the end -------------------------------------------------

Nightmare ..

I guess after all meeting you in my life is my biggest nightmare... 

Nothing goes well for me for this past few months .. except I had a great trip to Taiwan .. 

besides the trip .. nothing makes me happy since that day .. 

what make it worst ?? is meeting you that day .. same thing happen ... same situation 2 years ago .. 

I had enough ..