Emotional breakdown

Dear blog,

9 days to exam .... 

I'm seriously all stressed up and tensed !!! Too much to study but I can't blame .. Should had start from the beginning of the semester but too much distraction .. Can't blame on distraction because I let myself to be distracted anyway .

Sometimes I wonder is ACCA really that difficult or it's just a mind conditioning ? Maybe I've been mislead by other perception on it .. Whether it is really that difficult ? Me myself can't tell much ... 

After failing last semester .. Confident fall drastically ... Gives me a perception that no matter how much I study will never be enough ! I can assure myself that I studied 101% more than anyone else but in return I get nothing ... The most hilarious joke in life ... 

People around me always says that "you're gonna be fine because you are so clever and you study so fast .. You can surely do it" ... Clever ? I can assure you that I'm not .. All I do is to make an effort to be more hardworking than anyone else .. Make sure that I've study more than anyone else .. But I guess it's wrong to study hard .. Because people study smart ... How should I continue this study journey ? Is it too late to turnaround ? It is a waste if I give up now ? 

Today I have been experiencing emotion breakdown .. I feel like crying and giving up ... Not the first time ..   

Will I be able to overcome all this shit that I'm experiencing now and go to exam calmly and confidently ...  

Birthday - 23

Less than 9 hours to 23rd birthday ... Lols ... 21st birthday was like yesterday while today still 22 and tomorrow gonna be 23 years old .. Times flies ... 

Age is just a bunch of numbers that increases every year .. But each year's birthday is the day where I review my own achievements and a day I change to be a better person ... 

Over the one year ... Life was pretty hectic with lots of ups and downs ... The lowest point of life was the failure in my first acca paper .. That created a huge impact in my life ... Today I'm still struggling whether this is the right path .. 

Pre celebration was last Saturday with my dearest friends .. A simple dinner and crazy party filled up this year's birthday celebration ... I'm faithful to have them in life ... This is the forth year of birthday celebration with my dearest besties ... 

Sometimes, you just wish you could have more and be greedy for once ... Every year by telling myself that it's ok and it might happen next year had been demotivating myself ... This year has no exception too ... Try next year ... *yawn*

Somehow, wishes never came true ... 

Anyway still got to go through it ... Maybe I should do something special this year but due to limited time ... I'll just do nothing ... Isn't it special ?? Lols .. A lil too stressed up ... 

Lornalsq  

Broken heart

Dear blog sorry I've been neglecting you lately but here I am now . So many things that I wish I could share with someone but there's no one for me to share with . 

Lately , I realize my wound have been healing slowly. I've been letting go of past love and begin to fall for love again ... It was amazing how it reminded me, what is love all about again .. Feeling grows everyday and slowly I know he have a place in my heart .. Things came in naturally and wasn't anything that I have felt before in the past ... 

You know that you are falling in love when you caught yourselves smiling sillily alone by just thinking of his smile .. His smile means everything to you and that's all you will wish for .. A warm comfort smile =) that cheeky smile that you gave while you are talking . Makes me feel protected ... 

Things were so natural ... The moment where we were talking while you were driving and how we naturally turn to look at each other ... That moment was magical .. Somehow it feels like we can feel each other ..  Maybe people that read this doesn't get it but I do .. That natural connection ...

The way We tease each other .. Feel so angry sometimes but yet so hilarious and sweet ...  I like how teasing you gets your attention ... 

Wasn't able to write everything about how I felt about him because it's gonna be too obvious who he is .. He shall remain unknown .. 

While the heart beats for love , it is also bleeding because of love . 

I know where I stand in your life . Because next to you is not where I belong and I know there isn't a place for me in your heart . It was occupied by someone else , someone that I can never replace . 

Hmm .. I think I shall stop writing now because it was too hurtful to continue this ... Anyway I guess I can only treat this as dream , a never dream come true .. =) 

Lornalsq