Not the right timing ...

daddy was admitted to the hospital few days ago .. due to insane pain on his back ... after checking, doctor advice him to go for a surgery .. removing part of the soft bone that actually creates the pain ... i almost faint went i heard the news ... however i was working .. not able to be there during his surgery .. went to visit him that night ... his surgery took more than an hour ... but overall everything went smoothly ...
he is fine now .. had discharged from the hospital this morning ... hope he will get well soon ...

the second day when he was in the hospital ...
we visited him at night ...
he asked me again about me having a boyfriend ( just because he saw me wearing necklace ... and FYI that necklace is from my mom)  .... =.=
on the same day ... evening ... surprisingly my mom asked the same question ... =.=
never thought that mummy will actually asked this question)
not the right time to answer this question ... this question made me speechless ... how should i answer ???
my common answer .. i look like porkchop where got people want ...
or should i answer ... the one that i love don't love me ...
haiz ..

ITS NOT A JOKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hardly describe my feelings now ...

if u think it is a joke .. then continue with it ... 

i wont blame you ... 

maybe all this while ... you thought my love to you is a joke ... 

is ok ... then make it as a joke .. 

then i'll just keep myself in misery .. my heart bleed every moment of my life from the day you left ..

i miss you every moment ... i will miss you till the moment of my last breath but you will never know ... 

because you will only take it as a joke ... 

i'm fine with it ... 

go on with your life .. treating everything of mine as a joke that make you laugh .. 

or should i think it as a good thing cause i made you laugh ... 

whats the point telling you that i miss you ...

whats the point missing you ...

all i get at the end .. is nothing .... 

maybe next time i'll just keep it inside my heart and never let it out ..

because i feel better keeping it than telling you .. 

Reminds me of you

my sis just got her driving license not long ago ...
driving skill still not that good .. still a lil careless but she got to drive to college starting next week ...
so .. today we went to college .. and practice her parking skill ...
lolz .. she made 15 ++ times of parking ....
the last 2 was fine ...
her driving skill remind me of my driving skill last time ... when i just got my license ..
i remembered i was so afraid to drive ...
parking skill sucks to the max ...
but all this remind me the most was you ...
there were once i'm stuck in college parking ... somewhere near MPH ...
i couldn't reverse out neither make a U-turn out from there ...
all i do was to call you for help ...
there were once where i'm stuck in the parking .. couldn't reverse out cause there a car parked behind mine ...
i called you for help too ...
you will always be there to help me ... but where are you now ???

now .. my driving skill boleh tahan di la ... at least i wont get stuck in somewhere and need help ...
i can handle it by myself ...
i guess i couldn't rely on other people that much ..
its always important to learn and accept the fact you are not there for me anymore ...

working life sucks to the max too ..
OT every single working day without any exception ..
i guess this is life .. nothing comes easy ...
got to learn whole bunch of new thing ...
got to communicate with people ...
got to learn that life wasn't that easy when you are working ...
i remembered you told me about it too ...
now i know how does it feel to work ... really work ...
i used to think working life is simple .. its just work and sleep and eat and work again ...
i didn't realize i had forgotten .. stress ... time management ... responsibility ...
once again .. my working life reminds me about you ...

a simply word ... which i used to say ...
o ...
reminds me of you too ... we used to prohibit each other from using this word ...
who ever which used this word will actually cause the other person to earn a chance to use the word ..
haha ... (for you guys that actually read my blog may not understand what i'm trying to say ... but i'm sure if you are the one who is reading you .. you will understand )

maybe this is life ...
whenever you lose something which is important to you ..
you will learn to appreciate ..
you will realize that ... what you used to have .. is the best for you but you will never know till its gone ..
till its not yours ...
i may had used most of my time in working .. but i had never leave you aside .. you are always in my heart no matter what happen ...
i guess if i had never lose you .. i will never realize that you are so important to me ...
never realize that i love you that much ...
never realize i will cry for the same person that much ....

please wake up !!!!!!!!

its just frustrating to see people that go after things which they are not suppose to ... or ... go after a particular thing without listening to others that they actually cant achieve it ...
its so obvious that ... its not the right thing for you ... neither you're the right fit ...
everyone can see it well but not you ....
stubborn or i shall say stupid   sorry to say so .. but you are ...
so when you meet failure ... you will actually find substitution for it ... what i hated the most ... the substitution is something related to what you first desire ... and i don't believe that it is actually something true ... its just that you are desperate .. that's all ...
i think i shall stop here before my feeling turn worst ...

Can i start again ???

internship .. 

not that excited about it ... thought of going out to audit is better than stay in office doing prework ... 

but after i experience both .. both almost the same ... boring ... 

i started being so motivated on working and looking forward into it .. 

but things change ..

why ???

all i wanted is to stay focus on it .. and to do my very best  ...

but why ?? 

things keep pulling me down ... 

why do i have to struggle to work with my eye condition like this ??? 

will it eventually affect my performance ???
what can i do ??? 

can i start again with my faith shaken ???

My 1st day of internship !!

internship !!!!
started 3 days ago ...
i know this is a very late post .. but last few days was a lil complicating for me ...
1 June 2011 .. my very first day of internship ...
scary ... i was so so so nervous that morning ... almost pee on my pants ... haha .. jk .. i didnt ...
first day was boring .. started with simple introduction ... some document reading ... and to audit prework ...
my senior wasn't that friendly ... maybe still not that close to them ... they rarely talk in the office .. maybe our boss office is at our department ...
second day .. still boring ... nothing much to do ... some paper work ... and a prework that makes me headache ... figures ... but don't know what to do with it ... haha
third day ... almost the same ... continue with the prework ...
i wonder when can i go out to audit ???!!!!! faster la ....
however .. this is a new challenge of life ... and i'll do it !!!
good luck to all friends that are fighting out there !!!!!!

three months .. haiz ... can it be faster ???