The last day of 2012

In less than 8 hours, I got to say bye bye to 2012 ..

a year full of excitement and joy .. forget about the sadness .. all I want to write here is happiness .. 

A year that had taught me more .. to be a better me .. 

before today ends .. 

I wanted to share everything that happened during the year for one last time . 

January

so beginning of the year was hectic .. paint house all by myself and sister .. the living room .. dining room .. the kitchen and the entrance .. rush for chinese new year .. after living in this house .. for the first time I paint the house .. didn't paint the rooms due to limited time till  CNY .. 

still on holiday and not back to college yet ..
celebrated Kenix and Wendy's birthday

Reunion dinner with family

Yee sang on CNY

Wendy's birthday celebration .. is also the first day of CNY 

February

its the beginning of the last semester in college and as student .... which means thesis is waiting for me that time .. and assignment too .. of course the last semester will be more stressful than those previous because this will be that last chance to do whatever which was not done properly before .. 

of course .. its Valentine's Day .. I celebrated it with close friends .. sweet and simple .. 

this month I achieved 100 posts in blog and 100 pictures in instagram ..

repost of this pic from my 100th post on this blog and 100th pic on instagram..

March

a month full of emotional ups and downs ... were so stress and meet Mr.Y at the staircase where we first met ... stress level was super ... still lazy in doing thesis and assignment ... I wonder how did I survive .. haha

Assignment !! Thesis !! help !!

April
this is month where I found new love .. was on Kwek's birthday celebration at the beer factory .. met someone new that I thought I could write a new story of life .. but story continues in the coming months ..
start dieting and exercising but somehow I think I failed .. haha
Celebrated Kwek and Soo Yee's birthday ..

Kwek's birthday celebration at one world hotel

May
when things were fine .. I start to get panic and doubt a lot things .. first was myself .. second was him ..
when there is doubt .. I start to break down and think out of my mind ..
when third party appear .. I start to imagine the bad and eventually worst ..
when there were so many doubtfulness and unsatisfactory ... things start to change ..
submission of thesis was crazy .. almost didn't manage to hand in due to delay in printing .. but when finally pass it up .. It was a relief .. but this means that exams is around the corner ..
class ended .. so sad to say goodbye to classmates ..
Syn Syn's birthday

June
no more classes and the end of exams .. its time for a small trip .. went to port dickson with buddies and had some great time there ..
this is also the months where the story with Mr.T almost ends .. things were changing from sweet to almost tasteless ...
I'm officially on holidays ..
Celebrated the most precious person birthday's .. my mom

PD trip 

July
the HAPPIEST moment of life lies on this month .. where results from 3 years of hard work in degree finally pays off .. FIRST CLASS HONOURS .. the proudest achievement of my life .. nothing can explain how happy I am when I see my results .. I cried and jumped like an idiot ..
Mr. T's birthday month .. Its my pleasure to celebrate it with him ..
this month is the month where I chose to make it clear and leave Mr.T ..

 my achievement .. 

August
still on holiday ..
the FUNNEST month .. I went to TAIWAN with my lovely ji muis .. 9 days in Taiwan was splendid ... one experience that I will never forget .. its so fun ..

Food in Taiwan is awesome

things bought by 5 girls .. very little 

September
its finally a wake up slap on my face ..
a month where I gave up on hoping to be with someone ...

Healing up ..

October
life has been simple ..
cook almost everyday ..
trying to let go some unwanted feelings ..
but through all this I learn .. I learn to stand up and smile again ..
month that I use to heal up ..

nothing last forever .. so appreciate when you have it .. 

November
My Month !!!!
start with the 3rd of November .. is my convocation day !!! a day where my hard work being recognized ..
the moment I stepped up the stage to receive my scroll .. I feel like crying .. the tears of joy and being proud
continue with 14th of November .. birthday if yours truly =) me .. celebrate with family at Suki-ya .. awesome .. then pre-birthday celebration with friends at Zouk and sing kkkkk on the actual day ...
fianlly 29th of November .. Birthday of my forever love .. NIC NIC !!!
a month full of celebration and joy ..

December
for the first time .. my ji mui and I attended friend's wedding .. so happy for the new lovers ..
I registered with Sunway College for ACCA course .. the last 5 professional papers .. a little stressed up thinking about the future .. but I'm sure that I can do it !!
Christmas celebration with lovely ji mui at The Social .. dine and wine ..
yup and today .. the last day of the year ..
had cooked a fantastic meal with family and later at night with friends ..
celebrated Britney's birthday

Christmas Celebration

me and Syn at Genting

Short trip with loves

12 months with joy and happiness .. despite of sadness and tears .. I had a great year ..
all I learned were to be strong and moved on .. no point holding to old memories because they were meant to be kept in the heart ..
after today ..
its a new beginning .. new hope .. new goals .. new experience .. new resolutions
New me

I'm sure next year will be great ..

To anyone that read this post ..
HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and your family =D
Great year ahead !!
Lets all hope for the very best for you and me !
Smile ..


Love,
Lornalsq


ps: come photos credited to Wendy ..

Before it ends

another two days to the beginning of a new year ..
soon we all have to say goodbye to 2012 and welcome 2013 ..
hope for a better life ahead ..

I got a few things to do before 2012 ends ..
let go whatever I should and move forward .. I can't stay in memories forever ..
and I should be looking forward to new adventures ..
I'll do whatever I should that come along the way ..
grab every opportunities and chances and listen to everything everyone says ..
I choose my life .. no matter what happen ..

so I got to get my 2012 success report and 2013 resolutions ready ..
New year .. New Life .. New ME !!!

What to do ?

Have you ever wonder what the hell is going on with your life as everything messed up and nothing went smoothly ? just one mistake that you made when you're naive and you're getting countless give backs now .. karma ? what goes around comes back around I guess .. one mistake that changes the whole damn thing ..

I have never been in this confusing situation. It feels like I've been held back by old memories and being pull by new memories . its like being pull in two different directions. somehow some part of my heart belong to someone from the past and some part were being occupied by someone that I had let go .. I can't really explain how I feel because its complicated .. all this while .. Mr. Y has his place in my heart .. no doubt he still has it .. but Mr. T has a place in there too .. its like .. argghhhh .. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here ... to make it easy is I wanted to let go both feeling and I don't want to live in anyone shadows .. but  the more I wanted to let go the more it pulls me ...

memories with Mr. Y kills .. he is someone who I always wanted to be with .. things that we have been through was remarkable ... nothing can replace it .. but is waiting for him to turn around is what I should do ? is it the right thing to do ?

journey with Mr. T was short .. but somehow there were memories that stayed .. somehow .. letting go of it is easier comparing to the previous one ... I'm doing fine all this while ... I'm not sad neither angry of him anymore but when I'm almost there .. almost reach the point of letting go completely .. karma hits again .. maybe how much that I had hurt Mr. Y .. I got to go through the pain that I gave Mr. Y myself and to get tortured double the pain ..

Dear God, what are you trying to tell me ?

the moment where I'm able to let go of Mr.T ... You played a fool of me by letting us meet unexpectedly .. the percentage or the probability of meeting him on Christmas day at the most unbelievable place ... what are you trying to tell me ? to show that we have the fate to meet and to be together but all I got to do is fight for this love ?????? or .. to show that he is with someone else and he is not the one and I should let go completely ???? what are You trying to prove ? I'm tired of guessing because I'm clueless ... should I stay wit old memories .. to fight for new ones ? or to give up everything and wait ? what do You want me to do ?

till now .. all I have is tears rolling down my cheeks ..
I can't write anymore ..

Is this the end ?

If its the end of everything .. What is the last thing you wish you could do ?

there are so many rumors that doomsday is coming and it falls on 21.12.12 ..
should I be worry by now ?? because its 11.00 pm 20.12.12 while I'm still blogging peacefully ..
haha .. doomsday might come one day but not today ... pretty sure about it ..
but who cares ... we're gonna live as long as we could .. as happy as we can .. as cheerful as life could be .. as painful as anything can be .. because you only life once YOLO !!!
so this thought came in my mind this evening while I was driving ..
if today is the day .. I have a few questions for myself ..

1) what is the last thing I wish to do ?
2) any regrets ?
3) who do I wanna be with till the last breathe of mine ?
4) anything to confess ?
5) any last words ?

If today is the last day of my life ..
the first thing to do is to tell my family and friends how much I love them .. how much I appreciate to have them in life .. I guess this is what everyone will do .. but its something should be done because after that you won't have the chances anymore ..
The last day is to hug every family of mine tight ..
if we are allowed to choose the next family in my next life in the new world..
I wish I will be with the same person as my dad my mom and my siblings ..

what else ?

when I first thought of writing this post ..
I start to think of things that I had regretted ... after a few minutes of wondering ..
there isn't much thing that I had regretted on ..
even though there are lots of pain in love life .. but yeah .. I didn't regret in loving them and having them as part of my life .. because I believe there isn't right neither wrong in love ..
Regret letting myself being lazy for six month since the last exam ? nope .. this is the best six months of holidays that I can get in my life ...
Regret of being who I am now ? being too strong ?? Nope .. I'm proud of who I am and no one can be proud of me as much as myself =D
Not much to regret .. and there isn't a reason for you to be regret of anything in life because everything that happen teaches you a lesson that no one else could teach you ..

then ...

Of course be with family lo .. because don't have someone special ma ..
this is kinda one stupid question ..

next ..

confession ?
hmm .. not much too ..
all was .. after so many years .. 3 years I guess .. I still have someone in heart .. even though in between I tried to fall for someone else .. when I thought I could .. the fate tells me I couldn't .. I'm still there .. all this while its still there and the fact is I'm not letting it go ...feelings were still there ..
is like I've been walking in circle ..  never have a starting point neither an ending point ..
somehow ... I miss those time being with Mr. Y ... first confession "Mr. Y , I still miss you." =)

while I thought I could start something new with Mr. T .. fate tell me no .. not him ... because he end up with someone else  .. even though everyone thought this is the start of a new relationship for me but its not .. I'm angry of Mr. T because he made me realize that my heart has no space for a new someone yet .. of course the complete story was too long to write but overall there were too many pressure and attention on us so it was to complicated to make it happen . .. I placed all the blame on him .. every one see him as the bad one ..
but second confession .. I'm not angry of Mr. T anymore because love couldn't blossom between us due to various of reason ..

in between this 4 years .. from foundation till now after completing degree .. there is always a someone in my life that never give up on me .. but feeling was unable to grow for him .. he is always a big brother or a good friend of mine .. he is been there in every ups and downs .. but wrong timing I guess ..
third confession .. Sorry Mr. K ... You have been the good friend of mine ... and I couldn't try with you because I cant afford to lose a brother ..

finally !!!!!!

last words ???
not much
I love you guys so so much ..
if we survive .. we will appreciate the chances we have and move on to be a better person !
so pray hard ..
and
BYE BYE if we didn't

Love ,
Lornalsq
=) <3

When loneliness strikes ..

out of a sudden .. i'm overwhelm by this lonely feelings of mine ..
maybe .. due to the fact that .. I might be studying alone at sunway next year ..
new environment .. new people .. its a new beginning that I'm not familiar with ..
somehow .. I can feel the loneliness that lies within the inner of my heart ..
its always scary to imagine what life could be without all my close friends ..
maybe all these years in college .. I'm used to being around with my close friends ..
but to grow and develop is to get out of the comfort zone ..
I guess this is all I should do .. ..