What's love ?

Dear blog, 

Approximate 5 months ago, one of my bestie fell in love and built up a relationship with an ordinary guy ... She used to have a list of requirement of potential boyfriend but you know what feeling win over a set of requirement ... She choose feeling over potential requirements ... Honestly I thought she made the right choice ... Because what's the point of being in a relationship without any real feeling ... 

Today it's 3 days before their 5th month anniversary and they broke up ... It's a waste because relationship requires a long time and trust to be built ... And what hurts the most is to see both of them not appreciating the love they have in each other ... Because of ego they both choose to let go of love ... Compromisation is what they lacked of ...

As her bestie, I don't think I should side any of them ... Anyhow is their relationship and there is no right for me to say anything ... That's why I'm here to write on how I feel ... 

Within this 5 months , I'm always, not all the time but most of the time being with them ... I see how my bestie fall in love deeply everyday ... I can see she smile wider each day ... But at the same time I see how her smiles turn into frown as days pass by ... 

The first three months ... Or the first 100 days known as the lovey dovey period (crazily in love days) things were fine between them ... They fall in love as fast as lightning ... Be with together just few days after knowing each other ... Life together for the first few weeks is going to be interesting because there are too many things to share with each other ... Things tend to be less flavourable when you get to know each other ... And things become tasteless when your are used to be each other ... This is when Compromisation take place ... And to make an effort to fall in love again ... Relationship is about falling in love with the same person all over again and again and again ... This is how it works ... If you don't then this relationship won't bring you anywhere ... 

 

Love is not about forgetting or ignoring the other half's weakenesses but also to accept and compromise with it ... Love is not fairy tale as happily ever after don't exist in a blink of eyes ... They come with the willingness of two person in building and accepting flaws in their relationship ... Nothing is flawless ... Nothing is perfect ... 

Relationship ain't Lego bricks where they can be built and stacked easily and when you don't like it you can remove any part that is not in you favour or push and break it and be rebuild ... relationships without good foundation can break with a slight push and it's not easy to rebuild it and you can't choose only the things that you like and to remove what is not ... once it's gone, it's gone forever ... It's gonna be such a waste as some people don't even have the chance to love but if you do then appreciate every bit of it ...

Some people are blind in finding a better one ... Some think if this didn't work , I can always find a better one but how sure are you the next one will be the better one ? How do we know whether he is a better one ?  So why not appreciate the existing one, compromise, love more and expect less ?? 

 

During all this while, I see how they love each other, how they tease each other, how they talk, how their little body language communicate with each other, how they look at each other, how they uses vulgar language to call each other, how they always argue over a certain statement, the sweetness in them ... All this little thing that they might not notice as the reason why they love each other ... Because of ego they had forgotten why they were together in the first place , because of own pride they had forgotten how to love ... Why choose pride over love ??

Love isn't about relying on the other half on everything ... Love is about improving with each other but if ones is not willing then no point holding on the relationship as it will ever grow and this relationship will be stangnent ... I see my bestie grow and improve, she became more independent ... Her first time of taking the plane alone just to visit him in jb ... I'm proud of her braveness because I won't take plane alone ... 

One reason for the failure in their relationship is also because of the scarification that they both made and being compared on who did more ... There shouldn't be any comparison ... Because love is not a set of calculation ... Love cannot be expressed in numerical neither has a value ... There isn't a number to compare what you did for each other ... If it does have a value then it's not love it's an exchange of needs or system barter ... 

Both have faults ... To continue with this relationship or to let go depends on whether you both willing to work it out ? To compromise ? To love unconditionally ? To forgive ? To go through shits together ... 

Dear bestie, if you happen to read this ... Remind yourself of the love you first have with him and if it still doesn't convince you and there isn't anything that worth for you to give him another chance then I'll respect you decision ... I'll always be by your side and love ya ... 

Lornalsq 

 

Should I ?

Dear blog , 

2 days till new year ... 2013 ends in just a blink of eyes ... Soon gonna step into 2014 ... Feel heavy hearted to say goodbye to 2013 as there isn't any much accomplishment this year ... Hope 2014 will be better !! I can do it !!  

Before 2013 ends, should I give a try ? To chase upon things that I wish I could have all along ? At least if I fail then I'll move on to 2014 with a better me ... Should I ? What if I can't get through the failure and 2014 comes with tears ? 

Sweet dream or beautiful nightmare ?

Been wanting to write up this post for sometime but I've been struggling to find words to describe feelings nowadays ... wasn't easy to write up true close feeling where words are limited compare to the range of feelings that ones can experience ... So how to convey all this messages (feelings) out to people around me? Maybe all feelings should be kept deep in the heart ... Without anyone knowing it ... 

Feelings has been pretty complicated ... So many things for such a small little heart is pretty overwhelming ... I can always lie to the brain , close my eyes not to see it but heart will still feels it ... When heart starts to beat for certain reason , there's no way to stop it ...  Even if it hurts ... 

After so many years , still terrified by those pain that I've been through ... Even though, bleeding stopped , wounds recovered but scar remained .. Everytime you look into ur heart , scars reminds you the experience and pain you've been through ... This shows how strong you are to carry on with life till this moment but somehow looking back at each of it tears you into tiny pieces ... 

Sometimes I wonder should I be grateful to all this heartbreaking experience or to be blaming life now ... Because of its present, I've learned to protect myself from a lot of things ... In fact I've been over protecting myself by avoiding a lot of things ... To be strong or to be weak ? It's the matter of how to go on with all shits that happen ... 

Because of love I chose to avoid falling in love, finding love and expecting love ... Because by not having it you won't get hurt , you won't get the pain of loving the wrong person ... It's painful to love someone that don't love you back ... It's more painful to see the one you love , love someone else ... 

But then the more you avoid something the more you got to face it ... Arranged by the God I think ... The more I want to leave it the more I got to deal with it ... Let's not fall in love ... 4 years after Mr Y ... Fail twice ... Lets not fail in love again ... And I failed to hold on tight to it and I fell recently ... Which is another wrong one ... 

I'm really really tired this time ... Told myself not to do anything but everything fall for a perfect reason ... And the more I tell myself it's not gonna work , the more feelings will grow ... 

The gentleness that you have, the annoying way you are, the care that you have, the humor sense of yours, the way you look into my eyes, the coincidence of us asking the same question together, the way you always hated my sweets but you will still eat it, the way we don't need to talk but still know what to do, the way you smile, the joke that you crack, the way I unamused you, the way you look at me before you wanted to throw rubbish everywhere, the stories that you shared with me, the cincai-ness in you ... Makes me fall everytime without fail ... How to endure with all this attraction ? 

Sweet dream or beautiful nightmare ? Spending time with you is always like a dream, in the end I got to wake up from it ... There is no way not to wake up because I got faced the reality that you like my bestfriend ... Sometimes I hated her because of you ... I cried because she didn't appreciate your existence in her life and all I can is to see you loving her ... How hurtful to stand a place out of your sight, while your sight is only filled with her ... 

But what can I do ? To try my best to get your attention ? To compete with her ? To warned her not to talk to you ? What do I have to do so ? To be honest, I don't think I that I have any ability to make you stay ... To compare with her ... I'm nothing ... And I truly know you will only see beautiful things ... And I'm not ... 

While writing this post so many flashbacks so many memories but I know it's time to keep all this memories away ... It's time to wake up from this beautiful nightmare and to continue with life ... One of my bestfriend used to say never try never know ... But I can't afford to lose him as a friend ... I've been losing too many of them because of love ... Somehow I value each friendship and it hurts when I got to end it because of love ... 

Maybe I should have just continue to dislike you, like how I did in the beginning ... Because things were more simple back then ... To see you to care for her when we are all together ... Hurts badly ... To cry silently at night is torturing ... 

Like I always say I shouldn't and wouldn't fall for guys that fall for her ... I should have hold on to this and things like now will not happen ... Now all I wanna do is to be your guardian angel ... To protect and to love you without you knowing it ... 

I know it's silly but at least that's all I can do for you ... Hopefully one day you will realize she is not the one ... 

Love, 

Lornalsq

Fear

Ola blog .. 

It's 3 days till exam .. 

I realize my hands have been shaking frequently lately .. I'm nervous .. Exam is so near and I'm living in fear .. This few days gonna be difficult ... I'm so afraid that I'm not going to make it ... What if it's gonna be like last semester .. I've been giving all I could but will it be enough for this exam ? 

Have been controlling my emotions lately .. Family problem and stress from studies how could I stay focus ? 

The anxiousness in me can kill ... Will I be able to overcome all this fear and be strong and confident once again ? 

So many things in my heart that I wish someone could share with me .. But unfortunately I got no one to share my uncertainties ... Will you ? 

Panic Attack !!!

Dear blog, 

It's six days till exam ... I'm so not prepared .. I'm full of doubt now ... How should I make use of this 6 days to achieve maximum knowledge intake for the coming examination ? With 2 papers almost done in revising it and one paper with nothing is done .. What should I do ? 

Did I make the wrong decision to give up on one paper ? Will I let my family down this time ? 

Been haunted by my past experience ... How would you feel if you put in so much effort and time but in return what you get not as expected ? 

How to move on and start again ? 

Emotional breakdown

Dear blog,

9 days to exam .... 

I'm seriously all stressed up and tensed !!! Too much to study but I can't blame .. Should had start from the beginning of the semester but too much distraction .. Can't blame on distraction because I let myself to be distracted anyway .

Sometimes I wonder is ACCA really that difficult or it's just a mind conditioning ? Maybe I've been mislead by other perception on it .. Whether it is really that difficult ? Me myself can't tell much ... 

After failing last semester .. Confident fall drastically ... Gives me a perception that no matter how much I study will never be enough ! I can assure myself that I studied 101% more than anyone else but in return I get nothing ... The most hilarious joke in life ... 

People around me always says that "you're gonna be fine because you are so clever and you study so fast .. You can surely do it" ... Clever ? I can assure you that I'm not .. All I do is to make an effort to be more hardworking than anyone else .. Make sure that I've study more than anyone else .. But I guess it's wrong to study hard .. Because people study smart ... How should I continue this study journey ? Is it too late to turnaround ? It is a waste if I give up now ? 

Today I have been experiencing emotion breakdown .. I feel like crying and giving up ... Not the first time ..   

Will I be able to overcome all this shit that I'm experiencing now and go to exam calmly and confidently ...  

Birthday - 23

Less than 9 hours to 23rd birthday ... Lols ... 21st birthday was like yesterday while today still 22 and tomorrow gonna be 23 years old .. Times flies ... 

Age is just a bunch of numbers that increases every year .. But each year's birthday is the day where I review my own achievements and a day I change to be a better person ... 

Over the one year ... Life was pretty hectic with lots of ups and downs ... The lowest point of life was the failure in my first acca paper .. That created a huge impact in my life ... Today I'm still struggling whether this is the right path .. 

Pre celebration was last Saturday with my dearest friends .. A simple dinner and crazy party filled up this year's birthday celebration ... I'm faithful to have them in life ... This is the forth year of birthday celebration with my dearest besties ... 

Sometimes, you just wish you could have more and be greedy for once ... Every year by telling myself that it's ok and it might happen next year had been demotivating myself ... This year has no exception too ... Try next year ... *yawn*

Somehow, wishes never came true ... 

Anyway still got to go through it ... Maybe I should do something special this year but due to limited time ... I'll just do nothing ... Isn't it special ?? Lols .. A lil too stressed up ... 

Lornalsq  

Broken heart

Dear blog sorry I've been neglecting you lately but here I am now . So many things that I wish I could share with someone but there's no one for me to share with . 

Lately , I realize my wound have been healing slowly. I've been letting go of past love and begin to fall for love again ... It was amazing how it reminded me, what is love all about again .. Feeling grows everyday and slowly I know he have a place in my heart .. Things came in naturally and wasn't anything that I have felt before in the past ... 

You know that you are falling in love when you caught yourselves smiling sillily alone by just thinking of his smile .. His smile means everything to you and that's all you will wish for .. A warm comfort smile =) that cheeky smile that you gave while you are talking . Makes me feel protected ... 

Things were so natural ... The moment where we were talking while you were driving and how we naturally turn to look at each other ... That moment was magical .. Somehow it feels like we can feel each other ..  Maybe people that read this doesn't get it but I do .. That natural connection ...

The way We tease each other .. Feel so angry sometimes but yet so hilarious and sweet ...  I like how teasing you gets your attention ... 

Wasn't able to write everything about how I felt about him because it's gonna be too obvious who he is .. He shall remain unknown .. 

While the heart beats for love , it is also bleeding because of love . 

I know where I stand in your life . Because next to you is not where I belong and I know there isn't a place for me in your heart . It was occupied by someone else , someone that I can never replace . 

Hmm .. I think I shall stop writing now because it was too hurtful to continue this ... Anyway I guess I can only treat this as dream , a never dream come true .. =) 

Lornalsq 

Sometimes I wonder ...

Dear blog , 

Sometimes I wonder what happen if I didn't choose to wait for his return ? Maybe life wouldn't be as painful as what it is now . Maybe life could be better than what I'm experiencing now. 

But sometimes I wonder what happen if you didn't leave and I didn't choose to leave you at first ? Will life be sweeter than what it is now ? Will we hold on to the love that we have till today ? Will we be happy together till forever ? 

Sometimes I wonder what happen if we didn't meet at the first place ? Will life be much simpler ? Will our life be better rather than having all this regrets and pain ? 

Sometimes I wonder what happen if I've move on and you came back ? Will we turn back to what we used to be ? Will  we be able to forgive each other and be happily ever after ? 

Sometimes I wonder what happen if you didn't paint her into our picture ? Will you be waiting for my return ? Will you give up on us ? 

Sometimes I wonder what happen if I didn't choose to follow the heart ? Do I still need to endure the pain of being stupid ?  Will I learn to appreciate your existence ? 

Sometimes I wonder what happen if I confess to you once again ? Will you accept my love and start all over again ? Or will you ignore my existence like how I did it last time ? 

Sometimes I wonder will you be waiting for me to initiate the first move ? Will we still be able to love like how we used to be ? Will you love me like how you did few years back ? 

Sometimes I wonder what if I choose to wait till the very end ? Should I keep my heart and continue to walk this lonely road ? Or should I give my heart to someone else and walk a better road ? 

But what's better ? What if I give my heart away and no one promise to take care of it ? What if it's not right again ? What if I choose the wrong road again ? What if you are the only one that I ever wanted too be with ? What if ..... 

Can I get closer to you ?

Dear blog,

It's been awhile since the last time of being sad because of him. Been missing him lately. There are days where that kind of feelings were relatively mild but not this few days. 

Just came back from my short trip , 3days 2nights langkawi trip. Maybe that's the reason to the emo-ness that I'm experiencing now. Every time I went for trips , all I thought of was why weren't you here ... Why can't I see what I'm seeing that moment with you ? Why can't we breathe in the same air ? Why can't we touch what I'm touching that moment together ? Why can't we be together ? 

Can I get closer to you ? Please ... 

1097 days 

Lornalolo

I'm in deep shit !

dear blog,

sorry for the delay in writing this post .. should be up few days ago but wasn't in the mood to do so.
today is 4th day after results .. I'm still experiencing some emotional disturbance .. I tried not to think too much but teach me how ? 4 years in college ... never in this 4 years that I fail one paper and not matter how difficult that paper was, I maintained it above 60 marks .. I guess never fall never know what's painful ..
I've been telling myself not to expect much this time because of the bad feeling I have during exam .. but how can I not to expect to pass this paper ? each paper is not cheap .. approximate RM 400 for each paper and that for exam only excluding tuition fees .. however, money is not the main problem but the time and effort is.. I place so many time in studying this paper but I end up with nothing .. how can I endure with this kind of failure ?

people around me has been trying to console me .. but every call and messages that I received , I told them that 'I'm fine , don't worry and I'll move on. Will do better next time. Will stand up and fight again.' but who knows I'm not. I've been trying to be as calm as possible , as positive as possible, as happy as I can but it feels like I'm wearing a smiling mask that help me to lie not only to everyone around me but also to myself. I've been telling myself that is ok , I can do it again. I thought I'll be fine ..

I've been stuffing activities into this few days till today .. drinking with friends, lunch, shop, drink again , watch drama till late night so that I'll fall asleep fast without thinking too much. but only manage to stop all thinking for 4 days and today I'm out of control ..

Progress test is in 5 days time , should be studying by now .. but I have nothing in mind . whenever I pick up my notes, I asked the same question , 'what's the point of studying so much ?'

what should i do ? how should i continue ?

Limits ? Excessive ?

Limited ..
a word that has changed my life so much ..
a word that breaks my heart ..
a word that I spend so many years to understand ..
a word that I'll remember for the rest of my life ..
a word that reminds me of the past and you ..

yup a word that hurts but its also a word that motivates me to be better ...
now life has no limits .. love with no limits .. NO LIMITS

but when limited is no longer a limits in my life ..
it became an excessive and this excess scares people away from my life ..
so what's life all about ??
a balance between limited and excessive ??
how ??? what's the word to learn now ??

I hope you can see the changes but no matter how I change I'm still limited in your eyes ..
I'll never be the someone you need in life ..

life now are pretty empty ..
I have nothing much in life except study, family and friends ..
and this... in your eyes are limited ..
so yeah .. sometimes I feel extremely tired of waiting .. but sometimes I don't feel the same ..
I'm not complaining because this is my choice .. awaits for return is the road that I pick three years ago .. and I'll carry on no matter how difficult it will be ..
maybe you have moved on and miles away from me ... but I'll still try my best to catch up to your steps..

Songs

Dear blog, 

Last Saturday ... 

Went to my little cousin's mini concerts ... some musical concerts with kids performing instrumental songs and some unknown artists singing ... 

was kinda bored ... the reason of attending the musical is to see my cousin perform .. 

I'm so proud of my little cousin .. violin .. feel so proud to see her growing up to such beautiful girl ... <3 

all the performance was kinda like one man show ... a few unknown artists take most of the stage like their show not kids musical show .. but one performance by a guy (can't remember his name) touches my heart .. maybe is the song (想你的夜) i guess .. make me teared a little .. because the song remind me of someone ...

 

exam ..

Hi ... 

P2 exam was tough I can say .... 

most probably got to resit for it next sem .. 

everyone told me to be positive but I'm sure how badly it was done .. 

feeling so down right now .. 

I gave in so much time on studying but it turns out to be not enough .. again 

why not enough again =(

Dear heart ...

Three weeks till P2 exam ... 

So many distractions again .. Especially the heart ... So tired ... So so tired ... Please give me a break ... Dear heart , please not now ... It's the past already ... You don't have to hurt yourself again .... I don't have the time for all this .. I need to get my mind straight to study ... I need to stay focus ... I need motivation ... I need to let go ... 

Emails

I was cleaning up my emails and found the old emails you sent me ... Now i came to realise that , the beginning of the first email you sent me, was the second chance you gave me .. But my realization was to late .. It took me 3 years to figure that out .. Because all along I thought you were trying to fool me due to what I did to hurt you last time .. Most people says that it's never too late to make things right but what if I don't have the chances anymore .. I've tried but maybe not enough .. Where should I start or how should I start in order to be part of your life again ... 

This few days .. I was being overwhelmed by feelings again ... I miss you but there's no way for me to tell you .. I can't just send you a message telling you that because I doesn't wanna interrupt your life like how I did it 3 years back .. I shouldn't because you were with someone .. Up to now , your life was a complete mystery for me to guess .. Well that what I deserved right ? Well reading all those old email makes me feel like sending you a new one ... But something pulls me back .. I shouldn't I guess ?? So if I could send .. This will be the email .. 

Hey , was clearing my old email and come across all the old emails you sent me . It reminded me of you and make me realise that I miss you more and more nowadays .. How have you been ? I guess life was pretty good for you , at least I hope it was for you . It's been three years. How much I wish I could talk to you right now , but every time I suck my guts up and whatapps you , all I get was a one word reply or a short short reply and nothing continue from it. Why ?

All this years , I wish you would give me another chance to prove to you but like what I said I didn't realise the first email you sent me three years ago was a chance you gave me .. I screwed it and I failed to prove to you .. 

Today when I'm here writing this email , the only thing I wish to do is to apologize to you face to face because this is what I owe you for years and hope for your forgiveness .. I had hold on to the love I have for you till now and I'm sure that I haven't let go of it even though I was being distracted by one new person in life but it turns out that I can't accept someone new because my heart is still occupied by the same old person . Maybe you have moved on and to you I'm nothing in life . I'm stubborn and many people have asked me to move on but feeling won't fade ... What else can I do ? Dear I can't sit here forever writing unsent messages and emails that I wish you would receive ... Somehow I wish I could know how you feel but somehow i wish not to know because I can't face the truth that you don't love me anymore .. 

Lolo

So difficult to control my emotions this few days .. Yesterday I cried for awhile because I was so clueless and in such deep pain out of a sudden .. I was so silly till I ask my iPhone's music player to tell me how you feel about me through songs .. I put it on shuffle mode and swing it to the next song .. Guess what song did I get ? Was so hurtful to get this song but it was a song from Taylor swift , we are never ever getting back together .. I almost died looking at my phone .. Maybe that the truth but that's not what I want .. 

Hmm .. Don't feel like writing anymore ... 

Lornalsq 

distractions ..

another 16 days to mock exam ..
so many distractions and felt so demotivated ..
at the beginning till now .. never motivated to study ..
what happen to life ..
feel so tired with life ..
feel so lost in life ..
feel so confused of what's going on ..
where are my sources of energy .. where's motivation ..
how many times could I break down and stand up to try again ..
start to doubt my decision ..

Complication in feelings ...

'Hi ...
Long time didnt catch up with you .. How are you ??' <--- one message that I type delete and re-type a hundred times ... Don't have the braveness to hit the send button .. If I did , will you reply ??
It's such a surprise to receive your reply on the birthday wishes that I sent to you .. But that's the shortest conversation in my life ... Hope we could talk more ...

Today after class was having lunch with bestie ..
We're talking about past relationship ...
Talking about what happen between us and why everything ended ..
What happen with the relationship after you and why it didnt succeed ... The answer to the failure of previous relationship after you was obvious .. Im not ready to start another new one because feelings for you were still strong ... Today I realize the reason I fall for someone else last year .. its because he resemble you .. He gave me this similar feelings that you gave me .. But somehow I realise it wasn't the same because its not you ...
Anyway it's so difficult to explain everything with words ...

I hope we could talk and be friends again ...
Somehow I wish we weren't broken but just bend ... At least we can learn to love again ..


Lornalsq

What to do ??

Hi !!
Was wondering about this since few days ago .. Kinda unsure what to do .. Whether to do it or not to do it .. It's his birthday tomorrow (14/4) .. One question should I wish him ? Because all this while either the birthday wishes will be ignore in his fb wall or its invisible to him (which means I didn't send it) .. Wishes being ignore by him was the worst because he will like or reply other people's wishes but not mine .. Sometimes I wonder .. He really hate me that much ?? Or just to avoid conversation with me ..

So this year .. Should I wish him ?? Or another invisible wishes ??
What to do ...???
Should I try whatapps-ing him the wishes ???

Lornalolo

对不起 我却没捉紧你

Before sitting here writing this post .. My mind were fill with memories .. I guess without the need of explaining .. Most of you should know what fills my mind .. After so many years , the last thing I would expect to happen is to meet Mr. Y again ... I mean the last time I saw him was at our college's staircase a year ago .. But I thought that would be the last time seeing him ... All this years missing him is the only thing that I can do but never thought of seeing him in real again .. But whether is fate or whatever it is .. In such an unexpected condition and environment I saw him 11 days ago .. It's like a heart attack, the moment I see him walking out from the restaurant .. The feeling of it, is indescribable and I can hardly breathe .. But due to lack of confident and the untidiness of how I look that day I turn around and walked away ... I don't have the guts to walk to him or even to greet him .. the awkwardness kills .. Because we had stop talking and communicating since years ago ... What if I said hi and he ignored it ... what if I cant control my emotions and I cried ...  So many 'what if' questions appears in a split of second ...

After walking away from his sight ... All I wish was he didn't see me .. If he did, it will be ugly and silly ... But what if he saw me ?? Arghhhh !!! Why in hell I'll bump into him in such ugly condition .. ( normally after a whole day class , oily face messy hair  a lil under dress - need to be comfy for whole day class , tired face !!!! Why ~~~ )

Hmm ... I think after so many years .. He didn't change much .. The way he dress tidily in shirt tie slacks leather shoe ... That kind of neat hairstyles .. The way he present himself ..
I guess the only thing that change was our distances and feelings ... we are now a perfect strangers ...

Feel so near yet so far ... so warm yet so cold ....
I'm once again standing at a corner out of his sight ... Our distances are becoming further and further and there's no way to pull it closer .. But is okay .. Because all this while all I hope is for him to get his happiness ..

After so many days since that bumping into him day .. So many thoughts were wondering in my mind .. Is this a hint of chances ?? Is this a chance to pull our distances nearer ?? Maybe a chance to talk to him again ?? If I did walk over and say hi , will we be friends again ??? Will we be like last time ?? A million of if , maybe , will it , is this and that possible questions ... I should have stop wondering .. but I miss you ..

 if I could .. I run towards you and hug you tight ..

if that's a chance then I had lose it once more ... I guess that the last ...
I'm sorry that didn't hold you tight when you were still mine ...
neither have the confident to win your heart again ...



Lornalsq ..

What Happen ??

hi !
Its been a long time since the last blog ..
somehow .. things were not really fine ..
Pt1 was tough .. tougher than I thought ..
which means more study and concentration needed ..

valentine was bored ..

Chinese new year was normal ..
 life became colorless ..

Motivation

Had been very busy this few days ..
went here and there to get things settled ..
preparing for classes .. but somehow .. I can't find my motivation anymore ..
maybe I rest too long ?? and I lose my motivation in new goals .
what to do ..
Acca is a course where it need a lot of concentration and effort ..
will I be able to do it ??
Am I making the right choice ??

The first day of 2013

Welcome 2013 !!!

its a must for me to write something on the last and the first day of the year ..
HAPPY NEW YEAR once again !!!
Great year ahead for everyone ..
as for me .. its a start of something .. not really new but its something new ..
lol .. i bet no one understand what I'm trying to say ..
well .. studying is not something new in my life .. but this time is not degree anymore but something new .. ACCA .. my goal of the year is to finish P1, P2 and P3 papers within this year .. is a must !! so yeah ..
I CAN DO IT !!!
so more goods to come along the year .. and more exciting stories to share ..
so have fun everyone ..
for friends that are working .. may everything be smooth in work ..
for friends that are studying .. good luck and study well ..
for friends that are not doing anything at the moment .. rest well and enjoy life before another kick start ..

be healthy, happy, positive and safe throughout the year !!


Love,
Lornalsq