Before sitting here writing this post .. My mind were fill with memories .. I guess without the need of explaining .. Most of you should know what fills my mind .. After so many years , the last thing I would expect to happen is to meet Mr. Y again ... I mean the last time I saw him was at our college's staircase a year ago .. But I thought that would be the last time seeing him ... All this years missing him is the only thing that I can do but never thought of seeing him in real again .. But whether is fate or whatever it is .. In such an unexpected condition and environment I saw him 11 days ago .. It's like a heart attack, the moment I see him walking out from the restaurant .. The feeling of it, is indescribable and I can hardly breathe .. But due to lack of confident and the untidiness of how I look that day I turn around and walked away ... I don't have the guts to walk to him or even to greet him .. the awkwardness kills .. Because we had stop talking and communicating since years ago ... What if I said hi and he ignored it ... what if I cant control my emotions and I cried ... So many 'what if' questions appears in a split of second ...
After walking away from his sight ... All I wish was he didn't see me .. If he did, it will be ugly and silly ... But what if he saw me ?? Arghhhh !!! Why in hell I'll bump into him in such ugly condition .. ( normally after a whole day class , oily face messy hair a lil under dress - need to be comfy for whole day class , tired face !!!! Why ~~~ )
Hmm ... I think after so many years .. He didn't change much .. The way he dress tidily in shirt tie slacks leather shoe ... That kind of neat hairstyles .. The way he present himself ..
I guess the only thing that change was our distances and feelings ... we are now a perfect strangers ...
Feel so near yet so far ... so warm yet so cold ....
I'm once again standing at a corner out of his sight ... Our distances are becoming further and further and there's no way to pull it closer .. But is okay .. Because all this while all I hope is for him to get his happiness ..
After so many days since that bumping into him day .. So many thoughts were wondering in my mind .. Is this a hint of chances ?? Is this a chance to pull our distances nearer ?? Maybe a chance to talk to him again ?? If I did walk over and say hi , will we be friends again ??? Will we be like last time ?? A million of if , maybe , will it , is this and that possible questions ... I should have stop wondering .. but I miss you ..
if I could .. I run towards you and hug you tight ..
if that's a chance then I had lose it once more ... I guess that the last ...
I'm sorry that didn't hold you tight when you were still mine ...
neither have the confident to win your heart again ...
Lornalsq ..
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