Back to what we are ...

usually driving moment is the time when i think the most ... 

i know its dangerous to do so .. but it happens naturally .. maybe its because i'm alone when i drive .. 

so thought fills up my mind ... 

and i'll start to wonder and think of this and that ... 

while driving back today .. as usual ... my lil car's music player will never be switched off .. cause i just love to listen to song ... and its connected to my phone all the time .. so normally i listen to my fav playlist ... 

haha .. 

actually is to fill my loneliness 

when the song BACK TO DECEMBER, Taylor Swift.. starts to play ... 

a strong emotion affected my feelings ... 

the lyrics once again cause my wound to bleed ... 

why does it reflect what happen so much ???


i'll tell you why ... 

You've been good busier than ever .. We small talk ,work and  the weather .. 

we didn't really talk to each other since that day .. we do chat sometimes in msn ... but its all about .. college .. your work ... assignments ... random stuff .. but nothing related to us .. its all about you or me ... the word us doesn't exists anymore ... 

Because the last time you saw me .. Is still burned in the back of your mind ..

what i did last time hurt you deeply .. you hated me for some reason which we both know ... i'm selfish in treating you badly... not loving you as much as i could ... never blame on what you had did to me now ... 

You gave me roses and i left them there to die .. 

remind me .. on presents that you had gave me ... roses ... a mickey mouse key-chain and a necklace ... 

which i didn't appreciate last time ... looking at the necklace now wishing you were right here with me .. hugging me .. telling me that you still love me ... 

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you ... Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine ...

to realized how lucky to have you in my life last time .. if thing would change .. i'll appreciate you ... 

I go back to December , turn around and make it alright .. I go back to December all the time..

if i would go back to the past .. or to restart something in life .. i would restart everything between us .. and i promise to love you with all my heart and will never let you leave ...  

You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye ...

when you try to hold me tight .. all i did was to let go and to give up on this relationship .. i had never thought in saving this love and make it last ... i regretted ... 

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile.. So good to me, so right .. And how you held me in your arms that September night.. The first time you ever saw me cry..

even though you are not tan .. i miss you .. miss the moment when we chat every night on phone .. missing your hugs ... missing you every day and night ... because of this tears visit me often ... remember the first time you saw me cry ?? was in the library ... you told me you wish to hug me tightly that moment ... but know all i can do is to cry myself to sleep ... without you knowing .. 

Maybe this is wishful thinking .. Probably mindless dreaming .. But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right ...
i do wish to be with you again .. some may say i'm naive but .. i still love you .. and i'm still waiting .. 

This is me swallowing my pride .. Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night .. And I go back to December ..
if i have a chance ..i wish i could apologize to you and wish you would forgive me for what i did in the past ... 

I LOVE YOU ...

and this is why i love this song ... 
♥