A last post about you ...

this would be the last post about you .. i had posted almost 75 posts in my blog .. and almost 90% were about you .. this blog was created with a reason at the very beginning . . where i wish you would know how i feel ....

every thoughts and feelings of mine were turned into words ...words that i wish i could tell you .. but never have the chance to let you know .. but it makes no different as you will never care ... 

all this while i thought it was all my fault .. i put every blame on myself ... i even hated myself because i thought i'm the one who ruined the whole relationship . everyone else thought you're the victim and i'm the bad one .. 

after 300 days of tortures and pains .. and finally i get to know the truth ... 

Why put the blame on me ???????

still remember what you emailed me ???? 

you said my love wasn't enough, my time wasn't enough, my everything wasn't enough for you . i don't understand what you want . 

this is what you said that cause my heart to bleed ... 

and yet .. i'm dumb enough to think that "yes !!!! me = not enough" 

i'm dumb enough to wait .. hoping this could turn around .. 

things would change between us ... 

i change my life so that it could suits you ... 

i guess no matter what i do ..will never be enough for you ... 

and i clearly know why now ...

why drag everything till now ???

you could just tell me about it .. and that's it .. i'll cry myself to sleep and wake up the next morning and continue with my life ... but all you did is to keep yourself in silence and watch me fall deeper and deeper .. 

i asked you a few times .. remember ?? all you said was i'm busy .. give me time to settle my problem first ( this is what you said after the email that you sent) .. then after that you had forgotten about it .. 

you ignored it ... are you a man ?? a true one ?? cause you are that coward to tell me the truth ?? to tell me that you are with someone else ??? or do you enjoy seeing me suffering in pain ??? 

you left me in pain .. you left me with tears .. 

but you will never know .. if you think what you had gone through is painful .. wait till you suffer like me .. 

do you think i had great time in this 300 days ??? 

i leave every moment of it with a little hope ..

hoping you would give me a little of your attention and care ... 

i had never ask for more .. however .. this hope had become a hope which is gone now .. its gone since .. yesterday .. 

yesterday should be a very happy and beautiful day .. where the whole family gathered to celebrate my grandma's birthday .. 

but i had spoiled it .. i couldn't stand it and all i could is to fall and break down ... i was sad ... and painful ... 

i feels like a tomato falling from a high rise building .. 

this is how i feel .. that moment i feel like slapping you ... 

do you know what hurts me the most is seeing you last night with another girl ...

i couldn't believe what i saw .. i hope it wasn't you that i saw ... 

unfortunately it was you ... 

my heart shattered into pieces and it will never be perfect .. 

all this while you were actually having fun in your life .. where i keep myself in dark .. i would rather you telling me that you are in a relationship at the very beginning of all this ... than making me looking like a fool ...  in this 300 days ... you were actually with someone else ... 

you were actually with her.. 

its just so hard to believe what its true ... 

anyway..

THANK YOU !!!! 

from the bottom of my heart .. i would like to thank you for everything because i had learn more than i could find in my life .. 

this morning when i woke up .. i thought this would be hard for me .. 

but it turns out that i'm okay .. just a little down .. 

surprisingly i didn't cry much too ... 

its time to let go 

its time to say goodbye ....

its time to keep all this in my memories library and all this had become history .. 

i will still treasure everything in my heart cause you are someone which is important in colouring my picture of life ... and 

you will always be my friend  ..

this is the end for this chapter of my story of life .. its been a long story and finally comes to an end ..
i believe that not every story ends in happily ever after .. but i'm sure that in every ending of a story comes with lesson that you had learn .. i had learn to become a stronger person .. without him in life isn't the end of the world .. ending of this story is a beginning of another story .. so more chapter to come in the future .. so be ready for it =)

Love ,

Lornalsq