I've been trying to control my feelings towards you but it wasn't easy to ignore it ... From strangers to close friends ... From hating you to loving you ... From avoiding you to trying to get close to you ... Maybe is the arrangement from the above for me to fall for someone that like my bestie ... It wasn't easy to endure that fact ... Never in my experience that feelings for someone grow and build slowly because all this while I only experienced instant spark ...
I remembered few months ago ... I met u from my ji mui's boyfriend ... Don't really like you because of the fact that from the beginning you are interested on my another bestie .. I hated this kind of relationship in the gang of friends because it leads to complication and soon friendship breaks ... So from the beginning I avoided being too friendly with you ... Because I thought this friendship will eventually breaks so why make an effort to be friend ... My ji Mui told me that you've asked whether I dislike you to be around us because I wasnt friendly ...
From the beginning I've been making things clear that I will not fall for someone that like my bestie and will not be with someone that failed to get my bestie due to some complicated reason and experience in the past ... Doesn't want to get involved in such complicated triangle love thing and it's tiring ... Even when there were once where we played truth or dare in my ji mui house, my ji mui's bf ask whether I would considered you, I said NO because of that fact .. But somehow I feel weird why do I feel in such way from the start .. I wonder why am I being harshed to you ... Maybe feelings were there, when I first meet you ? And that's why I dislike and avoided you ?
But when time passed by, we spent more time together especially around my ji Mui and her boyfriend , slowly I removed the wall barrier and somehow I realize that I like you ... I feel comfortable being with you and the easiness to communicate with you makes me feel calm whenever you are around ... Especially when I'm always with my ji Mui and her bf, being their spotlight , having you around makes everything's seems fine ...
The more time spent together the more I fell ... I realize you weren't as bad as I thought you are ... You are a really nice guy that doesn't take advantage over girls, gentleman, easy going, friendly, curious on everything, with sense of humor, caring but sometimes annoying, like to joke around and like to tease people ... Overall I like you as who you are ...
Days with you in jb give me chances to know you more and the more I know about you, the more I like you ... We seems to be able to communicate well and seems to get closer each day ... I've started to learn little things of yours ... I've tried to walk into your heart but all I see in your heart is my bestie .. Because the more in understand you the more I know what you want ...
As I fell I forgotten the fact that you like my bestie but lately I'm wide awake ... Seeing you getting closer to my bestie by chatting everyday, the day you went out with her only, you comment on almost all of her pictures and asking whether will she be there on every outing, awaken me from this dream ... I realize there is no way for me to get closer to you ... Somehow I realize it's time to make a decision because I just can't wait forever ...
The last time we all went club together on Christmas eve was the day I thought of confessing ... But I guess the above doesn't allow it to happen and that day you sent me home first ... Normally I'm the last to go home so I thought I might just tell you how I feel and never expecting you to give me answer because I understand the fact that we can't be together .. But plan failed because you send me off first that day ...
On new year eve, I've made the decision to let go of this feelings ... I'll keep all this confession here in this blog and planned to remain friends .. Close friends maybe ? Because there's no room for me to stay in your heart and maybe all this is just a sweet little dream that won't last forever ... I cannot bare with pains anymore neither have the ability to win your heart over nor have the confident to continue to love you ... I cannot stand looking at you loving her ... Been struggling as to whether to walk out another step ... But I came to realize that as long as I walk away but not walk forward by now , I won't ruined this friendship ... Please forgive me for loving you because I fell uncontrollably ... All I wanted now is to keep this friendship till the end =)
Lornalsq
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